I wish i could figure all of this out. I was ridiculously emo yesterday. I finally went to get my stuff from Jay's and bombarded him with everything. He's not fucking someone else. He told me he just wants to forget about the opposite sex for awhile and even though he doesn't show it, he is sad that we didn't make it. We're still friends, very close and I can talk to him about anything. I just wish we could be where I wanted us to go. I wish he was ready for the things I am. I wish I wasn't so jaded and hard to be with. It's this feeling of loss and missing him, even though he's standing right next to me. the next hurdle is jealousy. I have to know that he WILL sleep with someone else, eventually he will be in a relationship with someone else. I just have to remember it's all ego on my part. It doens't mean he loves me less, he told me I will now be his comparison. I like to think I was worth it. I just have to remember that there's someone out there for me too. I love my friends and my life does kinda rule sometimes. I'll be fine, I have to be.
