bria

So I bought my ex a teddy bear when we were together, one ofthose with the heart that says "shit bitch you is fine". I saw a pic of it in flux's photos. Until then I had forgotten I ever got it for him. I thought of it sitting in our old house, or thrown away, or whatever the hell ever became of it, and I got soo fuckin sad. I'm sittin here crying over a fuckin teddy bear. Not really, I guess it's a metaphor for us, for everything we went through. For the fact that I'm happier now but I still feel I failed him. That he's gone, he won't hear from me, I can't call him. For the fact that his mother finally turned off his phone, which means she knows he's gone too. The fact that I may never see him again, ever. I think of the moment I bought the bear, how excited I was and how much I knew he would love it. All of that emotion, all that joy, is now this. Sadness for him, sadness for us. I will always love him, although I stopped believing in him a long time ago. I even told my boyfriend, if I can get through that, nothing will ever hurt me that bad again. Sadly, I will compare that pain to anything else I experience for the rest of my life.