Whoa something new! (Yeah, I ripped this off of LiveJournal)
Current Mood | Absolutely Fucking Crushed
Listening To | Alkaline Trio (Crimson) & Nikola Sarcevic (Love Sport Krook) as loud as can be...
I could NOT have had an absolutely worse fucking weekend. Ladies and Gentlemen, anyone care to guess what is wrong with me? Any guesses, any? Females. Plain and Simple. There is a lot more that's bothering me, but this takes paramount. You see my life reads like one of those books where you lose your place everytime you put it down so you read the same section over and over and over again. With my "love" live, it goes like this: Begin talking to girl, become friends with girl, share mutual attraction with girl, seed of doubt is planted in my mind about girl because I'm too much of a dumbass to not pay attention to these people, girl starts relationship with mystery guy from past (because of seed of doubt) who previously ignored or treated said girl like shit, girl ignores me. Yup, it's happend again. This has been a recurring theme in my life and I would consider it my achilles heel (and it's happend more times than I could count). I have 3 questions that I'd like answers to:
1) Am I that hideous?
2) Is my personality so abrasive and negative such that I scare away anyone that I want to get close to?
3) What the FUCK is wrong with me?
Seriously, people can tell me all they want that a relationship is more work than it's worth it, and that they'd rather not be in one. But what these people don't realize is that I've never had a real girlfriend (I was in a relationship but that's what I would hardly call it...she just used me) and (contrary to popular belief) I'm not interested in being single anymore. I don't care to sleep around before I find someone to love. I'm not out trolling for sex people! I want a companion that shares similar interests with me, but different enough such that boredom doesn't set in. As I say, a body is nice, but I want a brain. The biggest problem is that everytime I find someone that I fall for, I lose them just as quickly. I'm tired of this shit. It's times like this that I WISH that bullet did hit me in the head when my house was shot up, that I lament even being born, that I loathe everything that makes me human. I just wish someone could take away things like emotion, because right now, being a veg isn't all that bad. I should just become a monk and be cellibate for the rest of my life.
Whoever said that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all is full of shit. I feel all dead inside from this....I guess I just wasn't ment to be happy.
As if this weren't bad enough...I just got a letter from the government saying that I underpaid my taxes....I have the fucking check you bastards...I paid enough. Not only that but my credit card bill came. You see, my pay period ends on the 6th of every month. They recieved my payment on the 5th of this month. So I ask you....why the FUCK am I getting charged a past due fee. I mean if it was only like $10 I wouldn't give a fuck. But this is $29 we're talking about here people. I don't know if you fuckheads remember, I don't have a job. I'd really appreciate it if you stopped sucking my blood already you fucking vampires. Fuck you all!
I swear, I wish I were dead. Things would be a lot easier and I highly doubt anyone that I interact with in person would ever remember me past a week if I were dead anyways.
Current Mood | Absolutely Fucking Crushed
Listening To | Alkaline Trio (Crimson) & Nikola Sarcevic (Love Sport Krook) as loud as can be...
I could NOT have had an absolutely worse fucking weekend. Ladies and Gentlemen, anyone care to guess what is wrong with me? Any guesses, any? Females. Plain and Simple. There is a lot more that's bothering me, but this takes paramount. You see my life reads like one of those books where you lose your place everytime you put it down so you read the same section over and over and over again. With my "love" live, it goes like this: Begin talking to girl, become friends with girl, share mutual attraction with girl, seed of doubt is planted in my mind about girl because I'm too much of a dumbass to not pay attention to these people, girl starts relationship with mystery guy from past (because of seed of doubt) who previously ignored or treated said girl like shit, girl ignores me. Yup, it's happend again. This has been a recurring theme in my life and I would consider it my achilles heel (and it's happend more times than I could count). I have 3 questions that I'd like answers to:
1) Am I that hideous?
2) Is my personality so abrasive and negative such that I scare away anyone that I want to get close to?
3) What the FUCK is wrong with me?
Seriously, people can tell me all they want that a relationship is more work than it's worth it, and that they'd rather not be in one. But what these people don't realize is that I've never had a real girlfriend (I was in a relationship but that's what I would hardly call it...she just used me) and (contrary to popular belief) I'm not interested in being single anymore. I don't care to sleep around before I find someone to love. I'm not out trolling for sex people! I want a companion that shares similar interests with me, but different enough such that boredom doesn't set in. As I say, a body is nice, but I want a brain. The biggest problem is that everytime I find someone that I fall for, I lose them just as quickly. I'm tired of this shit. It's times like this that I WISH that bullet did hit me in the head when my house was shot up, that I lament even being born, that I loathe everything that makes me human. I just wish someone could take away things like emotion, because right now, being a veg isn't all that bad. I should just become a monk and be cellibate for the rest of my life.
Whoever said that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all is full of shit. I feel all dead inside from this....I guess I just wasn't ment to be happy.
As if this weren't bad enough...I just got a letter from the government saying that I underpaid my taxes....I have the fucking check you bastards...I paid enough. Not only that but my credit card bill came. You see, my pay period ends on the 6th of every month. They recieved my payment on the 5th of this month. So I ask you....why the FUCK am I getting charged a past due fee. I mean if it was only like $10 I wouldn't give a fuck. But this is $29 we're talking about here people. I don't know if you fuckheads remember, I don't have a job. I'd really appreciate it if you stopped sucking my blood already you fucking vampires. Fuck you all!
I swear, I wish I were dead. Things would be a lot easier and I highly doubt anyone that I interact with in person would ever remember me past a week if I were dead anyways.
leola:
Oh, hun.... don't say things like that - I'm gad no bullet hit you and I would be very sad if it did. Love lives these days can be incredibly hard because culture is such that people so often feel that the 'grass is always greener' rather than appreciating what they could have if they just slowed down. You'll find someone who appreciates you - you're good looking, intelligent and very kind and sweet - it is amazing you haven't been snapped up already. 
