What day is it? Where am I? I am so flipping tired and if I don't get over it soon, I will flunk out of college. I am missing so many people, not just because of school, because of life!
I almost fear getting close to anyone because they always leave. Now, I am not usually the one to go on about sad things, I had a shitty..make that NO childhood, and I keep telling myself that if I accomplish more, If I become better than the things that have happened to me, then I will be healthy enough and worthy enough to become a mother. Then I promise to give my kids all that I didn't have and spare them all that I did get
I guess I am tired of loosing people..so many times I have heard that if you have no family then make your own..and I made myself believe that..I made my family out of friends and lovers...I have such high expectations from my lovers but not so much from my friends. I tend to just accept people and see only their good and beautiful, though i am well aware of the bad and ugly. But, lately everyone is leaving and I feel like a little kid again..wondering what I did wrong to make them leave, what I did wrong to make them hit, what I did wrong to make them drank or get high. What am I doing wrong? What am I not admitting? How can I change the lives of people and change the world if I can't figure out how to fix me. Why do I consider myself damage goods, see even there I said "fix", why do I have such confidence in my social life and very few physical hang ups, but I think that I am intrinsically 'wrong'? I would trade the normal physical hang ups that most women have, the self-esteem shit most girls have for this. I would gladly take on worrying about a fat roll over the worries that lean upon my heart
OHHHHHHHH and Arie "Spinning Plates", it is just lovely in this version
I almost fear getting close to anyone because they always leave. Now, I am not usually the one to go on about sad things, I had a shitty..make that NO childhood, and I keep telling myself that if I accomplish more, If I become better than the things that have happened to me, then I will be healthy enough and worthy enough to become a mother. Then I promise to give my kids all that I didn't have and spare them all that I did get
I guess I am tired of loosing people..so many times I have heard that if you have no family then make your own..and I made myself believe that..I made my family out of friends and lovers...I have such high expectations from my lovers but not so much from my friends. I tend to just accept people and see only their good and beautiful, though i am well aware of the bad and ugly. But, lately everyone is leaving and I feel like a little kid again..wondering what I did wrong to make them leave, what I did wrong to make them hit, what I did wrong to make them drank or get high. What am I doing wrong? What am I not admitting? How can I change the lives of people and change the world if I can't figure out how to fix me. Why do I consider myself damage goods, see even there I said "fix", why do I have such confidence in my social life and very few physical hang ups, but I think that I am intrinsically 'wrong'? I would trade the normal physical hang ups that most women have, the self-esteem shit most girls have for this. I would gladly take on worrying about a fat roll over the worries that lean upon my heart
OHHHHHHHH and Arie "Spinning Plates", it is just lovely in this version
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
The self-esteem issues most of us have are just heavy camouflage for the stuff inside that we don't have the courage to face...or maybe it's just me...
Are you going to the SG Live show in Cleveland on the 16th? It looks like Eliska will be one of the performers.