brawler

So I fucking hate the way I'm feeling lately. I am in the middle of a crisis in my life and I can't stand it. My stomach is quizzy all the fucking time and I'm trying to find a positive twist on things. But it gets harder and harder every day. I know that life is full of ups and downs but for fuck's sake...this blows...I'm on the verge of possibly the biggest decision of my life. It should be an easy one..but it's not..fuck..nothing ever is. Here I am, I walk the Earth solving everyone else's fucking problems and don't even know how to fucking handle my own..what a strange world this is. At least I can still sing, smile, and go to work...

On a positive note, the dropkick murphys are coming tomorrow and I can't fucking wait. There new album is awesome and I've been jamming out all week. You know what's funny about them? My brother told me he doesn't like them because they sound wasted all time but if you really listen to the words..there is wisdom in there drunkin ramblings..funny how you find inspiration and answers in the strangest of places.

On another positive note my daughter will be coming home on thurs..I miss the little bugger so fucking much.. Maybe that is the source of some of my quizziness..she is an angel, and is so adorable..I can't wait to see her again and to have her tiny little body in my arms again and to hear her laugh. But with that comes her mother..and I have no idea what the fuck to do about that. It should be such an easy decision but for some reason it's fucking racking my brain..Is it too much to ask for someone to be upbeat and want to share life with you? and when I mean share life I mean have fun, go out, get drunk, and laugh with? Is that an unreasonable request? Is it too much to ask someone to take a joke? To lose some weight? To grow a sexual appetite? And if someone doesn't do that but loves you incredibly, is it wrong to leave them? People go there whole lives and beg for someone to love them..why is that not enough? And if that's not enough for me what will be enough?

Thomas Jefferson sure got it right when he wrote the words, "the pursuit of happiness." cuz it seems so fucking elusive. When you have everything right in front of you, it never seems like enough. I think I'm going to retrace my steps and see where it just stopped being enough. But it seems so fucking far back..

Fair winds and following seas...