brashnir

I've come to the conclusion that there aren't enough diseases (or are they disorders? whatthefuckever) that end in -lepsy. We've got Epilepsy and we've got Narcolepsy, and that's really about it as far as mainstream consciousness goes, but they're both such interesting conditions that I think we need more

Who cares if the ones we come up are real "According to Hoyle" problems, it's the lepsy count that's important here, not the validity of the diagnoses. Without further ado, here are some lepsies that we as Americans can use to cover up faults in our behavior -- That is the whole point of diagnosing mental disorders, right?

Macrolepsy - I didn't choose to be big, I was born a fatass. I'm obviously macroleptic. Colloquial name - Twinkielepsy.

Microlepsy - The opposite of macrolepsy. Skinny little 98 pound weaklings can now use this disorder to fall back on. Colloquial name - Scrawnilepsy

Necrolepsy - That mass murderer wasn't really a bad guy, he just had an involuntary reflex that caused him to kill people. Colloquial names - Stabilepsy, Shootilepsy, and Choke-a-lepsy.

Mortalepsy - the only symptom is a sudden and unexplainable death. This one will put coroners out of business. It is unfortunately uncurable. Colloquial name - Deathalepsy.

And that's just the start. We'll invent and diagnose so many lepsies that we'll make billions from selling bullshit prescriptions as cures.