Good evening. It is now time to commence the non periodic rant: FUCK!!! Why must everything be ruined. Used to be that I could go on places like myspace or craig's list and read through the personals and laugh at the funny ones. However there is a string of cam girls and sex site bitches who deam it necessary to throw a ridiculous amount of posts onto these areas to fill them up so much that legitimate posters don't even bother anymore. Not only does that ruin my fun (and I know that sounds bad) but it ruins things for people trying to meet people online.
Maybe I should digress for a moment. In an effort to only offend people that deserve it I will explain my hobby of reading personals online. Here's the thing. The internet is a great tool for information, business, entertainment, and even finding people to connect with on both a personal and business level. I agree that online personals are a great tool for people to find a friend or even an intimate companion. I myself have found someone very special to me by the way of the internet (though not through a personal and we were friends for a while prior to everything). Anyway, the point is this: If you have a dating profile online and you are reading this (assuming anyone reads this, which is actually very unlikely), you are not the target of the rant. I am on your side....for the most part. It's just some of these profiles and ads are hilarious. Sometimes the title to an ad is something like, "petite girl loking for big man," and when you open it you notice she says she's 5'0" and 300 lbs. Sorry but short is not the same as petite. Now, I got nothing against big girls but you got to admit that it's just funny that these people are out there. Anyway, on with the rant.
Alright. As a browser of dating profiles I was trying to think of where I could find a good place to go with a good chance of finding funny profiles. A great place presented itself right away: Gothscene.com. Let me point out why it's funny because it's not just in the name. The entire site tends to contradict itself. It's a good idea in theory but you get people that are putting stuff in their profile that doesn't make sense at all. Often the header to their profile is something like, "I hate everybody," but the first line of their description is "I'm pretty easy to get along with." Also I think it's hilarious that the "winks" you can send aren't just winks. They are accompanied by a cheesy pickup line that you have to pick from a bank of cheesy pickup lines. Also, it appears that no one can look at the camera on there profile pictures. Apparently the camera is like the sun and we all know what goths think of the sun (sorry to all my goth friends out there but that was too easy). This is all great and all but here's my problem with this site. It's users' choices of names. When you log onto a site and the name you want is already taken you just use that name and add some random number like 24 or 1734. Sometime you get a little creative and add 69, or 666, or 311 or whatever. Here's the thing about their names: THEY'RE ALL 666! People with names that no one could have possibly took added 666 to their name. Some girl had the name PanJesus666. Who the fuck had PanJesus. No one. She added 666 because it fits her darkness but it's not fucking necessary. It's gothscene.com, every one has darkness. You're name is supposed to tell something exclusively about you. Adding 666 just says that you're goth cattle. Goth cattle is annoying. All that sad mooing and 6 pierced nipples. It needs to end. That's enough on that
Heres a good question: Who doesn't like sex? No one, right? So who can blame people for putting up profiles on sites like amateurmatch or adultfriendfinder. No one. Heres where these sites are fucked up. The put up what's called "online cupids." These are essentially fake profiles with usually hot pictures and somewhat vague profiles. The point of these is to convince people there are more people on these sites than there are and keep people paying. Here's the catch. These profiles actually keep people from finding the other legitimate profiles on the site and thus negating the reason for them even being on there. For the info of the people out there. Here's how to identify these profiles. If you are not subscribed and you are getting emails and then you subscribe and they stop, all those people who sent you emails are online cupids. Also some sites have things that let you know discreetly that they are online cupids. Amatuermatch has little OC's in the corner of their online cupid's profiles. Also since imagination is limited, you'll noticed the same blurbs appearing in the "about me" section. You will also see recurring pictures. Also if you're into porn you'll notice that the pictures on some of these profiles will actually be of some of your favorite porn stars. Also be wary of anyone with only one picture. If you're really not sure you can try this: read the location on the profile of the person who sent you a message or friended you or winked or whatever. If their location is the same as yours go into you settings and change your location. Checked theirs again and see if it changes. If it changes to the same location you just changed yours to, then they're an oc. I must point out that if they pass all these tests I still can't guarantee that the person on the other end isn't a porn spammer as so many of them are. Don't give your email address. You will hate your inbox forever.
Well I've lost my steam. I have more on the subject but that's not why I do this. I got what I needed out of my system and I hope anyone reading this enjoyed. Good Night.
Maybe I should digress for a moment. In an effort to only offend people that deserve it I will explain my hobby of reading personals online. Here's the thing. The internet is a great tool for information, business, entertainment, and even finding people to connect with on both a personal and business level. I agree that online personals are a great tool for people to find a friend or even an intimate companion. I myself have found someone very special to me by the way of the internet (though not through a personal and we were friends for a while prior to everything). Anyway, the point is this: If you have a dating profile online and you are reading this (assuming anyone reads this, which is actually very unlikely), you are not the target of the rant. I am on your side....for the most part. It's just some of these profiles and ads are hilarious. Sometimes the title to an ad is something like, "petite girl loking for big man," and when you open it you notice she says she's 5'0" and 300 lbs. Sorry but short is not the same as petite. Now, I got nothing against big girls but you got to admit that it's just funny that these people are out there. Anyway, on with the rant.
Alright. As a browser of dating profiles I was trying to think of where I could find a good place to go with a good chance of finding funny profiles. A great place presented itself right away: Gothscene.com. Let me point out why it's funny because it's not just in the name. The entire site tends to contradict itself. It's a good idea in theory but you get people that are putting stuff in their profile that doesn't make sense at all. Often the header to their profile is something like, "I hate everybody," but the first line of their description is "I'm pretty easy to get along with." Also I think it's hilarious that the "winks" you can send aren't just winks. They are accompanied by a cheesy pickup line that you have to pick from a bank of cheesy pickup lines. Also, it appears that no one can look at the camera on there profile pictures. Apparently the camera is like the sun and we all know what goths think of the sun (sorry to all my goth friends out there but that was too easy). This is all great and all but here's my problem with this site. It's users' choices of names. When you log onto a site and the name you want is already taken you just use that name and add some random number like 24 or 1734. Sometime you get a little creative and add 69, or 666, or 311 or whatever. Here's the thing about their names: THEY'RE ALL 666! People with names that no one could have possibly took added 666 to their name. Some girl had the name PanJesus666. Who the fuck had PanJesus. No one. She added 666 because it fits her darkness but it's not fucking necessary. It's gothscene.com, every one has darkness. You're name is supposed to tell something exclusively about you. Adding 666 just says that you're goth cattle. Goth cattle is annoying. All that sad mooing and 6 pierced nipples. It needs to end. That's enough on that
Heres a good question: Who doesn't like sex? No one, right? So who can blame people for putting up profiles on sites like amateurmatch or adultfriendfinder. No one. Heres where these sites are fucked up. The put up what's called "online cupids." These are essentially fake profiles with usually hot pictures and somewhat vague profiles. The point of these is to convince people there are more people on these sites than there are and keep people paying. Here's the catch. These profiles actually keep people from finding the other legitimate profiles on the site and thus negating the reason for them even being on there. For the info of the people out there. Here's how to identify these profiles. If you are not subscribed and you are getting emails and then you subscribe and they stop, all those people who sent you emails are online cupids. Also some sites have things that let you know discreetly that they are online cupids. Amatuermatch has little OC's in the corner of their online cupid's profiles. Also since imagination is limited, you'll noticed the same blurbs appearing in the "about me" section. You will also see recurring pictures. Also if you're into porn you'll notice that the pictures on some of these profiles will actually be of some of your favorite porn stars. Also be wary of anyone with only one picture. If you're really not sure you can try this: read the location on the profile of the person who sent you a message or friended you or winked or whatever. If their location is the same as yours go into you settings and change your location. Checked theirs again and see if it changes. If it changes to the same location you just changed yours to, then they're an oc. I must point out that if they pass all these tests I still can't guarantee that the person on the other end isn't a porn spammer as so many of them are. Don't give your email address. You will hate your inbox forever.
Well I've lost my steam. I have more on the subject but that's not why I do this. I got what I needed out of my system and I hope anyone reading this enjoyed. Good Night.
jozsef:
OK, I've read it. Just took a little time.