sorry about that last entry....i was drunk and emotional....VERY emotional......... thats why i shouldnt have a journal, but at least i get to get it all out......anyways im cold and i just wanted to explain that..... 
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(i had a good opportunity to talk to ___iana today, and i fucking blew it!!!! gah, i hate myself. no apologies needed for you, and no excuses possible for me.