Well I had an interesting day today. I got my 100 Captains License from the Coast Guard today but I really wasnt all that happy about it. This is something that I have wanted for the last three years and now that I have it im not excited at all. I guess the main reason for this is because it changes nothing in my life right now. Im still going to have to go to school next semester which i dont want to do. I still have to live in juneau, which I dont want to do. It just seems weird now, that they 1200 dollar piece of paper sitting on my wall, that I thought was going to change my life, hasnt done shit yet. I will say that i was happy when my dad told me that my grandfather would have been proud of me. My parents never seems to be proud of me. And the bad part is that I still try to make them proud. I still try to do things that they can tell the rest of the family about, or their friends at work. I dont know why i do it. I really need to start doing what i want to do because its what I need. Also feeling really depressed recently, the future is a scary place, mostly cause someone is missing in my life. 