boxterjulep

sunny mist bring down your hail...

Dear Dearest Darling,

While everyone is excited about LOTR, which is an acronym I only recently discovered meant something, I'm really eager to see this movie SECRETARY. Shitty? Good? I haven't read anything on it, but I know my hero is in it. James Spader, do you know him? Ah, he is of the noblest breed. My introduction to him began with a movie called TUFF TURF. I'd see the video box at the store, see that hair...stare...man, what hair! Has his hair ever let him down? I had to watch this man in action and when I did, I was in heaven.

The man simply cannot disappoint. He was the best thing going in PRETTY IN PINK and I loved MANNEQUIN! Andrew McCarthy, Estelle Getty, Kim Cattrall, and James Spader? Tell me that ain't all star casting and I'll tell you the tale of a lad who bit his tongue off and swallowed it only because the ignorant fools of his village could not see that this hunk of man love was the greatest of the greats, method actor on par with Marlon Brando, and who dare fucks with him? The lad in the tale would never say another word again.

Doesn't his voice make you question your sexuality, gents? Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise have nothing on Jimmy. His smooth, I'm so cool, preppie snob what, who the fuck are you...curious-voice makes me tingly inside. Could he speak a little louder? Can he yell? Forget about it. he's too cool for that. The man is so cool he'll lick your chest if you ask him to. Oddly enough then, my favorite movie with him is THE MUSIC OF CHANCE. In it he plays a smart aleck italian weasel poker playing gambler. He was so good in it with greasy brown hair, a moustache, and sky blue polyester suit. Not the Spader I was used to seeing but that's what made it so amazing. This guy is fucking good!

So, let me get to the point of this little journal entry. I have begun a plot to kidnap him. Shhh! He musn't find out or it'll ruin the fun. He will be approached with a movie idea about a Spaderish character who is kidnapped by people who approach him about making a movie with the same concept. Are you getting this? It will be nothing short of kinky, perverted wank fest masterpiece of Spader. Spader in top form. Spaderlicious. Think Story of O meets Cecil B. Demented and you have a heaping pile of horse shit that you can't deny you love more than Citizen Kane or Star Wars or, hell, even the latest LOTR. Fuck all that. You will love this. I shouldn't go into anymore details as you'll probably think me mad, and I am definitely not mad, just determined. Determined to let the Spaderness in all of us to shine forth.

He lives nearby so I'll begin the stalking now. Discover his patterns. I wonder if I should involve Sean Penn in this plot? We'll see. You'll see. Wish me luck!

Sincerely,

Boxter Julep D.

p.s. new noun/verb/adjective/adverb to be used frequently: Spader (+ any suffix you desire).

{on! got some shit done.}