Okay, it's a rarity, but the other night things on the highway got a little crazy.
When we're laying in the road our victims usually stop short of hitting us, Sometimes they swerve around us and keep going, swerve and crash into concrete barriers or poles, or swerve and fly into ditches. Most of the time they are too stunned to move or say anything unless they have a sense of humor, in which case they join us in our song and dance. Well, my opossum friend...
At least twenty minutes went by before we saw some headlights rising over the road and coming toward us. We were eager this time...
The previous car was a speed rocket red acura integra, who really cares what year, but they missed us by a good 30 feet and then actually got out of the car right away to see if we were all right. Boring.
As they ran to our aid we got up, dusted ourselves off, straightened our ties, and started yelling at them to get the fuck away, just get back in your fucking car and fuck off.
This sort of stopped them right in their tracks. I guess this behavior is not what they expected. That and my opossum friend being able to talk AND be a total wise ass prick. He snarled at them too. They ran back to their car and sped off.
So this next car, twenty minutes later, had us shaking we had so much anticipation for some excitement. The last twenty minutes seemed like twenty hours. Hungry for some panic and more near death experience. eager for the smell of rubber and the sound of wind and metal. This had to be good or we were going to be pissed, or rather, my opossum friend...
(Sigh) This idiot. Barrelling down the fast lane of the highway at 55mph. Fuck me. He must have 40/20 vision too because he's slowing down as soon as we could see the headlights. He highbeams us. What good that'll do, I don't know. Then stops. My opossum friend was having a seizure with curses bubbling out of his frothy mouth. He was infuriated as well as saturated with alcohol. I had been the designated piggyback driver, you see...
The moment the man opened the door to his massive truck, my opossum was tearing at the man's throat. (someone hear mentioned something about this?) Boom. From laying down to the guy's throat. What speed and agility!
What prevented the incident from becoming murder was my opossum friend has only a few teeth left in his mouth and most of them are soft spongy stubs of what used to be meat tearing incisors. He's lived a hard life. There was a lot of drool spraying about, but no blood. Our poor victim still let out a pathetic wail and fainted, hitting his head on the road. Thud. Opossum spat on the man to add to his point.
"Get in!"
"Get in?"
That was my opossum friend's order. We were now going to begin our careers as carjackers. Hurrah! At last estimate we are at least another 40 miles to the next town. I think it's your town. We'll drop by and pay you a visit, friend.
[this moment: the dishes are done, man]
When we're laying in the road our victims usually stop short of hitting us, Sometimes they swerve around us and keep going, swerve and crash into concrete barriers or poles, or swerve and fly into ditches. Most of the time they are too stunned to move or say anything unless they have a sense of humor, in which case they join us in our song and dance. Well, my opossum friend...
At least twenty minutes went by before we saw some headlights rising over the road and coming toward us. We were eager this time...
The previous car was a speed rocket red acura integra, who really cares what year, but they missed us by a good 30 feet and then actually got out of the car right away to see if we were all right. Boring.
As they ran to our aid we got up, dusted ourselves off, straightened our ties, and started yelling at them to get the fuck away, just get back in your fucking car and fuck off.
This sort of stopped them right in their tracks. I guess this behavior is not what they expected. That and my opossum friend being able to talk AND be a total wise ass prick. He snarled at them too. They ran back to their car and sped off.
So this next car, twenty minutes later, had us shaking we had so much anticipation for some excitement. The last twenty minutes seemed like twenty hours. Hungry for some panic and more near death experience. eager for the smell of rubber and the sound of wind and metal. This had to be good or we were going to be pissed, or rather, my opossum friend...
(Sigh) This idiot. Barrelling down the fast lane of the highway at 55mph. Fuck me. He must have 40/20 vision too because he's slowing down as soon as we could see the headlights. He highbeams us. What good that'll do, I don't know. Then stops. My opossum friend was having a seizure with curses bubbling out of his frothy mouth. He was infuriated as well as saturated with alcohol. I had been the designated piggyback driver, you see...
The moment the man opened the door to his massive truck, my opossum was tearing at the man's throat. (someone hear mentioned something about this?) Boom. From laying down to the guy's throat. What speed and agility!
What prevented the incident from becoming murder was my opossum friend has only a few teeth left in his mouth and most of them are soft spongy stubs of what used to be meat tearing incisors. He's lived a hard life. There was a lot of drool spraying about, but no blood. Our poor victim still let out a pathetic wail and fainted, hitting his head on the road. Thud. Opossum spat on the man to add to his point.
"Get in!"
"Get in?"
That was my opossum friend's order. We were now going to begin our careers as carjackers. Hurrah! At last estimate we are at least another 40 miles to the next town. I think it's your town. We'll drop by and pay you a visit, friend.
[this moment: the dishes are done, man]
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
but i guess i can share....you are the coolest of the cool.
modern day oscar wilde and sinatra all wrapped up into one cute little box..(man that is)