bow

San Francisco was awesome, i'll do a blog once I feel better and I have sorted all my many photos.

Right now I would just like to cry until I can't breath. The last few weeks i'v been a totally mess. I feel numb inside and I don't seem to care i'm hurting myself or other people. I'v got myself into something ... a few things, and I don't know where to go from here or which path to choose.

I havn't sleep in my own bed for overs 3weeks and panic attacks seem to have ruled the last 3days of my life, that and not sleeping because of jet leg. I'v realised i'v got to stop drinking, while I was in SF I was fine, Saturday night I went to NFG, I can bearly remember the night, but I ended up safe with a pretty face, yet failed to tell my friends where I was.

I feel like i'm slipping back into this terrible place and I only have myself to blame. I don't really want any of this, that I know, yet I find myself travelling between people to trying to work it all out, i'm hoping it will all click into place. One minute i'm really happy with where I am and being in control of everything for once. The next a sudden feeling of uncertainty comes over me and I realised this isn't me.

I have work in 2 hours, Part of my wishes they would sack me so I can justify crying


I've been up for days,
Trying to find a way to write this confession down
Seems every line I write's a miss,
At least this I'll admit
For what I've done I am not proud
But there's no need to pretend, no need for innocence
I've got to be honest now

My verdict has come in,
It says I'm guilty for my sins this time.
I thought I could escape,
But then I finally felt the weight of my crimes.
It's passion, it's not love,
Infatuation never ends up right.
At least I won't be alone tonight