boundcreature

i changed my name. i know i usually bitch about people doing that. but really, that once was because that particular person's original name totally suited her. and anyway, in this case, BuckyKatt666 never really made any sense at all, it was just my AIM name so that was why i used it.

BoundCreature is a throwback to my more "goth-oriented' teenage days, when all of my original self-published mini-comics and movies came out from the fictional studio: Bound Creature Productions.

essentially, i just took the name because it sounded cool and i had this little logo with a shackled ghost to put on my books or before my movies. back in the day, i pretty much appreciated anything that had a slightly tongue-in-cheek melancholy twist to it (although, based on my rampant love for the bands H.I.M. and Type O Negative, i think i still have this particular appreciation).

anyway, the name Bound Creature originally came from a time when i was uncomfortable in my own skin and i liked to think of the idea that i was trapped inside of myself and i could not come to terms with who i was. but, those days are long past. i haven't had feelings of worthlessness since highschool (coincidence, i think not). instead, the world is open and unexplored territory and i am a talented man trying to find his way.

i've been thinking about this name alot lately. to the wisdom gained in the last five years, it's less a teen-angst joke and more of an expression of how i feel when i wander the city. like a bound creature. i feel like an expression of joy and craziness and unbridled ambition... trapped by circumstance, contained and bound within the day-to-day routine.

another way i look at it is that the name "Bound Creature" sounds like the expression of a solitary figure, which i most certainly am.

i always feel safest when i am alone.

i always feel strongest when i am alone.

sometimes i feel like there are two or three personas locked inside of me, feeding and encouraging one another, meshing and melding to create the whole. less like schizophrenia and more like my own deeply-personal support group.

sometimes when i am writing, the wise martial artist persona will write to the tortured artist persona just to let him now that things are going to be just fine. and that he is doing a damn good job of things.

sometimes, when i am in a situation i am not happy about, the wise martial artist persona will talk the angry punk persona out of hitting someone or spitting on someone, maybe just quieting him down while the tortured artist makes a compromise at work.

conversely, the angry punk and the tortured artist are the youth and the fire and the passion. they step in before the wise martial artist can be cheated or betrayed through his openness and honesty. they also do the living. oftentimes, the angry punk chastises the tortured artist when he puts his heart and soul on the line for someone who is not worth it.

they look out for each other.

when i am sitting on a curb with my hood pulled up past my face and my hat hung low, not looking at anyone, i'm taking shelter from the day-to-day, lying low while the different aspects of my personality work the situation out.

don't worry too much about me though, i've got it under control. most days i would just rather be by myself.

if i ever give them names though, feel free to start worrying.