so, the BuckyKatt had an AWESOME christmas, thanks entirely to two things:
first, i got a "past due" phone bill before i left for 99 dollars that i did not have and in the last few days, i got enough christmas money to pay it before they shut my phone and internet off (it was like a game show getting cards, wondering how close the check would get me to the "magic total" haha).
and second (and most important) my mom and i getting the idea to talk my aunt (her sister) into "adopting" us for the holidays! so, The Pants and i got into northeastern pennsylvania late thursday night, then friday morning, my mom and i drove down to my aunt's house (near philadelphia) to stay with her and my uncle for a few days.
a little background: my mom is the youngest of my grandparent's four children by about ten years or so. she was always "the baby" of the family. of course, this means that most of my cousins are all between five and fifteen years older than me. which of course means that some of my older cousins have kids that are between fifteen and twenty years younger than me, which means:
that i got to spend my christmas weekend playing with little kids!!!
holy monkey! i had so much fun! little kids are sooo much cooler than adults that its fucking retarded. on christmas eve, i got to play with my cousin janey's little girls: maddy (10), pae (8) and cassidy (3). of course, it was a formal occasion, so i was dressed to the nines, rockin' the pirate shirt and a long black dress coat that hangs to my midthighs (and of course i was also sporting a fun mix of black and silver nailpolish and eyeliner). seriously, these people haven't seen me in more than a year, gotta represent yo.
for those of you who have never met me in the real world, i am about six feet four inches tall and weigh like two hundred pounds, i am clad head to toe in black and wearing make-up; so of course, to a small child, i am completely TERRIFYING...
yet strangely intriguing.
of course, maddy and pae are both familiar with me so they were only slightly distanced for the earlier part of the evening, but cassidy, i have only seen two or three time since she was born... she just stared at me in complete bewilderment for about two hours.
my aunt (the girls grandmother) told me about a conversation she had with maddy earlier in the night:
maddy: grammy! jordan's wearing more make-up than I AM!
my aunt: that's how he dresses honey... he's an artist
the basic catch-all for my behavior on my mom's side of the family is "he's an artist." it's kinda funny actually. my mom of course, totally lives it up "oh my son? he's an artist. he lives in boston. yeah, he wears make-up... because he's an artist." she's a total riot sometimes (most of the time, almost constantly)...
so anyway, we have the most awesome lobster dinner (a theme for this weekend as my aunt cooked all of my favorite side-dishes). and then presents got opened. cassidy got a lego set, so of course, i was ALL OVER that. she had warmed up to me once she saw her sisters talking to me and was quite happy to have someone help her with building palm trees and setting up her little lego adventure island.
a little while later, i hear my mom in the other room talking to janey (the girls' mom) about the present she got them (gel pens used for drawing on your body, making temporary tattoos, etc):
my mom: so, i'm gonna pay for maddy's first tattoo and piercing when she turns 18.
janey: WHAT?!?!?!
my mom: no, it's alright jane, i'll pay for it...
maddy: really?!
my mom: yeah, i'll take you to the place where i got mine honey.
janey: you're not getting a tattoo! stop telling her that aunt gina!
(i missed a lot of this conversation because i was laughing my ass off). so anyway, pae is helping me and cassidy with the lego island. she's taken over, dissastisfied with my performance thus far:
pae: put this guy on the swing.
me: alright dude.
pae: i'm not a dude.
me: i can't do it, it won't go on.
pae: aren't you strong?
me: totally, i'm the strongest man IN THE WORLD!
pae: then how come it won't go on?
i struggle for a few more minutes, but cannot do it.
me: dude, i can't get it!
pae: don't call me dude. you are NOT the strongest man in the world if you can't do that.
me: i think we should hold off on that judgement until the strongest man in the world tries doing this...
so pae gets bored and finds these wonderful gel pens my mom bought them and starts drawing on maddy. i figure out that the guy wasn't supposed to attach to the swing the way i was doing it so i give up. then i run out of blocks to attach to other blocks so, realizing that the oppurtunity to draw on children is available, i grab a pen and start the most bitchin-est dragon running from pae's ankle to just under her kneecap. of course, she loves it.
for the next two and a half hours, i draw fun and fucked-up tattoos on my little cousins.
i did them one tattoo at a time with each of them taking turns as my canvas and all four of us coming up with ideas...
on madeline, i did:
a squid on the top of her foot with tentacles going up her ankle, a bracelet with an interlocked chain around her wrist, i lettered her name on her bicep (with stars), i drew a huge strawberry on her arm, and a really fucked-up open eyeball on the top of her shoulder...
on pae, i did:
a line of spiders crawling up her left arm, lettered her name on her left bicep (with stars), i drew a line of christmas lights (instead of barbed wire) from her right bicep to her right wrist, a flower on her lower back and i think maddy put her "boyfriends" intials on the back of her neck.
on cassidy, i did not do as much (she's three after all, short attention span, but quite happy about being drawn on):
a glass slipper on her right hand (i think she just saw cinderella a few days previous, she had been spinning about and singing "cinderelly, cinderelly" for most of the night), a butterfly on her left hand and a tulip on her left forearm. of course, she started wiping her face with the back of her right hand ALMOST IMMEDIATELY so by the end of the night her whole face was blue and her tattoo was all smeared.
after i ran out of energy (and skin) we got tired and went into the basement (its furnished) had a pillow fight, talked about boys (and was interrogated about my lack of a girlfriend), i played catch with cassidy (who, of course, did not have the motor skills to catch a ping-pong ball, so she kept coming closer, until she was so close that we were pretty much just handing the ball back and forth to one another).
some fun samples of dialogue:
pae: do you like pistacchios?
me: no.
pae: you're ugly!
me: what?!
pae: sorry, not liking pistacchios doesn't make you ugly.
maddy: how old are you?
me: 23.
maddy: you're just like a big kid aren't you?
me: um, yeah.
maddy: you didn't talk to the adults much.
me: yeah, i don't really have anything in common with them.
maddy: but you talk to us...
me: yeah, i get along pretty good with kids.
maddy: i hope i'm like that when i grow up.
me: you don't have to become an adult, you can have fun your whole life.
two days later, we stopped at their house before my mom and i drove back upstate. they were still in their pajamas, but they were shortsleeved pj's so all three of them were covered in gnarly tattoos and looked like a trio of little punkers. apparently, they had all refused to be bathed because they didn't want the tattoos to come off. my cousin let them get away with it, because even though she comes off as a harsh taskmistress, she is really fun and totally awesome.
janey: thanks alot jord (a name that only female members on my mom's side of the family are allowed to call me)! they made EVERYONE we saw in the last two days look at their tattoos!
me: haha, awesome.
janey: (at the kids) but THEY'RE coming off TONIGHT! and i'm gonna use a BRILLO PAD!
me: haha.
pae and i played with her racing-car track, then she gave me a grand tour of their house, i saw that maddy's room was done in leopard print. we ran into maddy in pae's room, laying in bed watching HARRY POTTER:
my mom: why are you still in bed? are you sick?
me: mom, she doesn't have school today. where else should she be, but in bed, in her pajamas, watching a movie?
maddy: yeah.
me: how old are you?
maddy: 10.
me: my bedroom has almost as much leopard print in it as yours does.
maddy: cool.
me: of course, you are a ten year old girl and i am a twenty-three year old man, so i have no idea what it says about me...
(at this point, there is a high five between myself and maddy).
***
when i was between cassidy and pae's age, their mom was about eighteen or nineteen and EVERYTIME i went to visit my aunt, she would take me and my brother out and have a blast with us. we'd rent movies, go to arcades, get ice cream, go to the mall, you name it... she (and my other older cousins) were always so great and fun to hang out with, because even though they are so much older than me, they played with me like they were my age.
fifteen, twenty years later, two of them have kids of their own and they are just such awesome and loving and fun parents. and i think its so fucking rad that the circle continues and now I AM THE ONE who plays with THEIR kids and runs around and gets hit in the head with pillows and draws on them and totally has an awesome time.
my family is REALLY FUCKED-UP, no doubt about it; but no matter what, they are always REALLY LOVING, that's what kills me about them. they are always at war with one another, but just as quickly would take a bullet for each other at any given moment. we're just a bunch of fuck-ups with hearts of gold. all of my holidays for the last few years have been examples of the horrible and fucked-up side...
this year, i got to (at least for a few days) experience the loving, joyous, fun, familiar and wonderful side of my family.
***
didn't realize that would be so long, i guess i'll have to wait til next time to rant more, i'm getting tired.
hope you all had a good holiday, laters.
first, i got a "past due" phone bill before i left for 99 dollars that i did not have and in the last few days, i got enough christmas money to pay it before they shut my phone and internet off (it was like a game show getting cards, wondering how close the check would get me to the "magic total" haha).
and second (and most important) my mom and i getting the idea to talk my aunt (her sister) into "adopting" us for the holidays! so, The Pants and i got into northeastern pennsylvania late thursday night, then friday morning, my mom and i drove down to my aunt's house (near philadelphia) to stay with her and my uncle for a few days.
a little background: my mom is the youngest of my grandparent's four children by about ten years or so. she was always "the baby" of the family. of course, this means that most of my cousins are all between five and fifteen years older than me. which of course means that some of my older cousins have kids that are between fifteen and twenty years younger than me, which means:
that i got to spend my christmas weekend playing with little kids!!!
holy monkey! i had so much fun! little kids are sooo much cooler than adults that its fucking retarded. on christmas eve, i got to play with my cousin janey's little girls: maddy (10), pae (8) and cassidy (3). of course, it was a formal occasion, so i was dressed to the nines, rockin' the pirate shirt and a long black dress coat that hangs to my midthighs (and of course i was also sporting a fun mix of black and silver nailpolish and eyeliner). seriously, these people haven't seen me in more than a year, gotta represent yo.
for those of you who have never met me in the real world, i am about six feet four inches tall and weigh like two hundred pounds, i am clad head to toe in black and wearing make-up; so of course, to a small child, i am completely TERRIFYING...
yet strangely intriguing.
of course, maddy and pae are both familiar with me so they were only slightly distanced for the earlier part of the evening, but cassidy, i have only seen two or three time since she was born... she just stared at me in complete bewilderment for about two hours.
my aunt (the girls grandmother) told me about a conversation she had with maddy earlier in the night:
maddy: grammy! jordan's wearing more make-up than I AM!
my aunt: that's how he dresses honey... he's an artist
the basic catch-all for my behavior on my mom's side of the family is "he's an artist." it's kinda funny actually. my mom of course, totally lives it up "oh my son? he's an artist. he lives in boston. yeah, he wears make-up... because he's an artist." she's a total riot sometimes (most of the time, almost constantly)...
so anyway, we have the most awesome lobster dinner (a theme for this weekend as my aunt cooked all of my favorite side-dishes). and then presents got opened. cassidy got a lego set, so of course, i was ALL OVER that. she had warmed up to me once she saw her sisters talking to me and was quite happy to have someone help her with building palm trees and setting up her little lego adventure island.
a little while later, i hear my mom in the other room talking to janey (the girls' mom) about the present she got them (gel pens used for drawing on your body, making temporary tattoos, etc):
my mom: so, i'm gonna pay for maddy's first tattoo and piercing when she turns 18.
janey: WHAT?!?!?!
my mom: no, it's alright jane, i'll pay for it...
maddy: really?!
my mom: yeah, i'll take you to the place where i got mine honey.
janey: you're not getting a tattoo! stop telling her that aunt gina!
(i missed a lot of this conversation because i was laughing my ass off). so anyway, pae is helping me and cassidy with the lego island. she's taken over, dissastisfied with my performance thus far:
pae: put this guy on the swing.
me: alright dude.
pae: i'm not a dude.
me: i can't do it, it won't go on.
pae: aren't you strong?
me: totally, i'm the strongest man IN THE WORLD!
pae: then how come it won't go on?
i struggle for a few more minutes, but cannot do it.
me: dude, i can't get it!
pae: don't call me dude. you are NOT the strongest man in the world if you can't do that.
me: i think we should hold off on that judgement until the strongest man in the world tries doing this...
so pae gets bored and finds these wonderful gel pens my mom bought them and starts drawing on maddy. i figure out that the guy wasn't supposed to attach to the swing the way i was doing it so i give up. then i run out of blocks to attach to other blocks so, realizing that the oppurtunity to draw on children is available, i grab a pen and start the most bitchin-est dragon running from pae's ankle to just under her kneecap. of course, she loves it.
for the next two and a half hours, i draw fun and fucked-up tattoos on my little cousins.
i did them one tattoo at a time with each of them taking turns as my canvas and all four of us coming up with ideas...
on madeline, i did:
a squid on the top of her foot with tentacles going up her ankle, a bracelet with an interlocked chain around her wrist, i lettered her name on her bicep (with stars), i drew a huge strawberry on her arm, and a really fucked-up open eyeball on the top of her shoulder...
on pae, i did:
a line of spiders crawling up her left arm, lettered her name on her left bicep (with stars), i drew a line of christmas lights (instead of barbed wire) from her right bicep to her right wrist, a flower on her lower back and i think maddy put her "boyfriends" intials on the back of her neck.
on cassidy, i did not do as much (she's three after all, short attention span, but quite happy about being drawn on):
a glass slipper on her right hand (i think she just saw cinderella a few days previous, she had been spinning about and singing "cinderelly, cinderelly" for most of the night), a butterfly on her left hand and a tulip on her left forearm. of course, she started wiping her face with the back of her right hand ALMOST IMMEDIATELY so by the end of the night her whole face was blue and her tattoo was all smeared.
after i ran out of energy (and skin) we got tired and went into the basement (its furnished) had a pillow fight, talked about boys (and was interrogated about my lack of a girlfriend), i played catch with cassidy (who, of course, did not have the motor skills to catch a ping-pong ball, so she kept coming closer, until she was so close that we were pretty much just handing the ball back and forth to one another).
some fun samples of dialogue:
pae: do you like pistacchios?
me: no.
pae: you're ugly!
me: what?!
pae: sorry, not liking pistacchios doesn't make you ugly.
maddy: how old are you?
me: 23.
maddy: you're just like a big kid aren't you?
me: um, yeah.
maddy: you didn't talk to the adults much.
me: yeah, i don't really have anything in common with them.
maddy: but you talk to us...
me: yeah, i get along pretty good with kids.
maddy: i hope i'm like that when i grow up.
me: you don't have to become an adult, you can have fun your whole life.
two days later, we stopped at their house before my mom and i drove back upstate. they were still in their pajamas, but they were shortsleeved pj's so all three of them were covered in gnarly tattoos and looked like a trio of little punkers. apparently, they had all refused to be bathed because they didn't want the tattoos to come off. my cousin let them get away with it, because even though she comes off as a harsh taskmistress, she is really fun and totally awesome.
janey: thanks alot jord (a name that only female members on my mom's side of the family are allowed to call me)! they made EVERYONE we saw in the last two days look at their tattoos!
me: haha, awesome.
janey: (at the kids) but THEY'RE coming off TONIGHT! and i'm gonna use a BRILLO PAD!
me: haha.
pae and i played with her racing-car track, then she gave me a grand tour of their house, i saw that maddy's room was done in leopard print. we ran into maddy in pae's room, laying in bed watching HARRY POTTER:
my mom: why are you still in bed? are you sick?
me: mom, she doesn't have school today. where else should she be, but in bed, in her pajamas, watching a movie?
maddy: yeah.
me: how old are you?
maddy: 10.
me: my bedroom has almost as much leopard print in it as yours does.
maddy: cool.
me: of course, you are a ten year old girl and i am a twenty-three year old man, so i have no idea what it says about me...
(at this point, there is a high five between myself and maddy).
***
when i was between cassidy and pae's age, their mom was about eighteen or nineteen and EVERYTIME i went to visit my aunt, she would take me and my brother out and have a blast with us. we'd rent movies, go to arcades, get ice cream, go to the mall, you name it... she (and my other older cousins) were always so great and fun to hang out with, because even though they are so much older than me, they played with me like they were my age.
fifteen, twenty years later, two of them have kids of their own and they are just such awesome and loving and fun parents. and i think its so fucking rad that the circle continues and now I AM THE ONE who plays with THEIR kids and runs around and gets hit in the head with pillows and draws on them and totally has an awesome time.
my family is REALLY FUCKED-UP, no doubt about it; but no matter what, they are always REALLY LOVING, that's what kills me about them. they are always at war with one another, but just as quickly would take a bullet for each other at any given moment. we're just a bunch of fuck-ups with hearts of gold. all of my holidays for the last few years have been examples of the horrible and fucked-up side...
this year, i got to (at least for a few days) experience the loving, joyous, fun, familiar and wonderful side of my family.
***
didn't realize that would be so long, i guess i'll have to wait til next time to rant more, i'm getting tired.
hope you all had a good holiday, laters.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
i adore my mother. And hope that my younger siblings will learn to do the same.