boundcreature

i drew this girl in september of 2003. i was at harvard square waiting for a friend to meet me for a lunch date; he totally forgot to show up. this girl was just sitting on her heels talking with the squatter punks and smoking for maybe fifteen or twenty minutes, so i just sat down and did this sketch. it's always been a favorite. i like to catch life in the moment; i think, thats a quality missing from many comics (and, truly indicative of brilliant comics when it is present).

its late. just got back from dancing. i just took a hot, hot shower. steam, a singing sensation on my back (which is sore, either from doing crunches earlier or from dancing, i'm not sure which, but i'm not entirely happy about it). its quiet in the apartment, the roomies are asleep and i'm sitting in front of the computer, covered in thermal, all warm and tired and somewhat clean smelling (i did use soap). my hair is drippy and hanging in my face, i still have the remnants of red eyeliner under my eyes...

i like to wake up with smeared eyeliner on; makes me feel like a rockstar .

don't have the energy for a dancing update, nothing out of the ordinary; i've got a new idea for an update, but this one will require reader participation;

so, here's the plan, when you all comment on this entry, post a question for me and i will do my best to answer it. preferably, it should be a question ABOUT me or something i know about, because i'm not even gonna bother with any wise-asses who give me physics or math questions. so... post any question at all (except for something deliberately sounding like a homework question) and i will answer it truthfully next time i update.

*** added later: about 6:55 am ***

i can't sleep. holy crap i can't sleep. i am feeling psychotically alone in this room right now. i do not want to live through the next two weeks; i just want to make it to the middle of january somehow. i used to say that i didn't want to live through the years 21 - 24, that i just wanted to wake up and be 25. its kinda like that.

i am not happy. i am really happy; but i am not happy. anybody following? i have a great deal of fun and its awesome; but really; i am thoroughly frustrated and i feel quite powerless to act in situations of great consequence to my future.

i need a girlfriend that can meet me head on. i've had too many lightweights and crazies.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

gah. i just want to be asleep.

right now; this morning, i am feeling all at once, in one sum total the weight of every ounce of creativity i have suppressed in the last two and a half to three years. i am too fucking talented to be doing what i am doing. i am starting to hate working; when it was always the only thing that i could count on... what's the point of having a powerful brain if you just use it to solve useless puzzles? what's the point of having the talent to create a graphic representation of life; if you just whore it out to people who could never match that kind of talent? i put my talent on the line every day and all i hear is that i should hold back and bide my time and not do such a good job and give the customer what they want and...

i spit in your motherfucking face. i'm done. i gotta do something different. i'm not repeating this year. i have so much to say; so much inside of me; and where does it go?

in fitful crazed bursts of typographic passion to a weblog on a site full of pin-up girls...

i am feeling part BUZZCOCKS and part BLACK FLAG right now and as always, completely STIFF LITTLE FINGERS; only, like ten of you are gonna get that reference, but that's ok. it doesn't matter.

no consolation please.

just leave a question or whatever.

am going to read about the BAUHAUS artists until i finish the fucking book or fall asleep... whichever comes first. i wish i could've studied with them. there are no challenges anymore but to fight the overwhelming mass of society and carve out some small niche of it that makes sense to you.

Stand up and shout for what you want to be
Stand up and shout what you believe
Stand up and shout for those you want to free
Stand up for the one and only

Get on your feet and raise your fist up for the count
What's yours is yours if you will just stand up and shout
No looking back you got to play the cards you're dealt
Break down the barricades and speak up for yourself

from the song "stand up and shout" by STIFF LITTLE FINGERS.