i liked yesterday's update a whole lot for some reason. so if you want my normal zaniness, jump back one entry...
as for today, i'm gonna update with a recent email exchange between me and my mom. the subject in question is my relationship with my friend melissa.
melissa was my teenage love, a girl i went out with from when i was 17 until i was 20. we were one of those couples that defined each other, one of those couples, that when we broke up, made EVERYONE sad. for so long, in so many peoples minds, "jordan and melissa" was a phrase that could not be broken down into single components.
i broke up with her three years ago. at the time, i knew something didn't feel right. we were no longer "growing up" together, we were stifling each other, holding each other back. we were trying to force our relationship into an ideal, trying our best to be "jordan and melissa" instead of actually BEING jordan and melissa. it took us three or four attempts, but we finally broke up for good.
it took some time, wall-punching and bitterness, but now we have a pretty good long distance friendship and speak for a few hours each month on the phone. i am completely over her in every way imaginable, but, it seems, my mom is not.
it is important, for this story, to understand that my mom is EVERYONE's mom. all of my friends, my girlfriends and my friends girlfriends (as well as my brothers) have been welcomed into the house/family with open arms, most even get x-mas presents... with all of that said, my mom and melissa speak more than i do (with either of them) and she still sends my mom cards on mothers day; my mom buys her shit when she goes on trips, etc.
and so, a few days ago, (strangely enough, on DECEMBER 10 - 6 years to the day i first met Melissa) i found this email from my mom in my inbox:
EMAIL # 1
from: BuckyKatt666's Mom
to: BuckyKatt666
Are you sure you are not still in love with Melissa? That would be great. Think about it. You two are best friends. That is exactly what you want in a lifelong companion.
Love,
mum
EMAIL # 2 (my reply)
from: BuckyKatt666
to: BuckyKatt666's Mom
dear mum,
i wouldn't even know where to begin to know how to reply to this one. i've been at a loss for words on it for about three days now.
melissa is a part of my life that is more than three years ago. i have grown so much in the last three years, that i am no longer the boy that loved her, i am a man trying to figure stuff out on his own, in a city far away from her. she has grown too. she is much stronger than she was when i left her, finding her way in the world as best she can. we are much different than we used to be and i know she is not what i want.
i need to be challenged and melissa could never challenge me. she was always so in awe of my abilities and i always resented that. i have found in the last few years, that i am looking for a woman whom i will respect with every fiber of my being. sometimes, i think this is why i go for artists. THE HEARTBREAKER was a better artist than me and i always loved that about her. things crumbled with THE DANCING GIRL so fast, because she had no driving passion, no desire to change the world... call me a hopeless romantic, but that is what i am looking for. besides, i'm only 23, i'm allowed to be naive and picky right now.
she is a sweet girl and i love her and i love all of the memories i have with her; but i outgrew what we had. i sometimes think she has some feelings lingering in her heart for me; but if anything, these are connections to the past, not the future. any love she may still feel for me is just her own fear of moving forward. i know she is still fighting the same battles she fought when she was 19. i know, deep down, she may still hate parts of herself. i know she is much better now, i can tell. but, deep down, she still carries the same fear and baggage that her parents left her with. one day, she will work through all of these problems and i will just be a memory of the past, not a distant hope for the future.
its tricky enough for us to try to be friends as it is. i am still as aggravated by her lying to herself now as i was when i broke up with her; she is still as aggravated by my ego and abrasiveness as she was when we used to fight in our last year together. best to leave the past in the past and look forward to the future without attachments.
i do not know why YOU want us together so much. i have never tried to prevent you from having a relationship with her; nor will i ever in the future; nor will anyone i am with romantically (and if they did, i'd give them the boot). so, no worries.
luv,
jordan.
EMAIL 3 (her reply)
from: BuckyKatt666's Mom
to: BuckyKatt666
it's so hard to hear the truth, but i know you know yourself better than anyone else. i just love her so much. can you bring an exacto knife with you when you come home? I need a picture trimmed down. thanks.
love,
your mum
***
i think the funniest part, is that, in all of this bizarreness, she still asks me to bring an X-acto knife home at christmas time.
magnificent!
as for today, i'm gonna update with a recent email exchange between me and my mom. the subject in question is my relationship with my friend melissa.
melissa was my teenage love, a girl i went out with from when i was 17 until i was 20. we were one of those couples that defined each other, one of those couples, that when we broke up, made EVERYONE sad. for so long, in so many peoples minds, "jordan and melissa" was a phrase that could not be broken down into single components.
i broke up with her three years ago. at the time, i knew something didn't feel right. we were no longer "growing up" together, we were stifling each other, holding each other back. we were trying to force our relationship into an ideal, trying our best to be "jordan and melissa" instead of actually BEING jordan and melissa. it took us three or four attempts, but we finally broke up for good.
it took some time, wall-punching and bitterness, but now we have a pretty good long distance friendship and speak for a few hours each month on the phone. i am completely over her in every way imaginable, but, it seems, my mom is not.
it is important, for this story, to understand that my mom is EVERYONE's mom. all of my friends, my girlfriends and my friends girlfriends (as well as my brothers) have been welcomed into the house/family with open arms, most even get x-mas presents... with all of that said, my mom and melissa speak more than i do (with either of them) and she still sends my mom cards on mothers day; my mom buys her shit when she goes on trips, etc.
and so, a few days ago, (strangely enough, on DECEMBER 10 - 6 years to the day i first met Melissa) i found this email from my mom in my inbox:
EMAIL # 1
from: BuckyKatt666's Mom
to: BuckyKatt666
Are you sure you are not still in love with Melissa? That would be great. Think about it. You two are best friends. That is exactly what you want in a lifelong companion.
Love,
mum
EMAIL # 2 (my reply)
from: BuckyKatt666
to: BuckyKatt666's Mom
dear mum,
i wouldn't even know where to begin to know how to reply to this one. i've been at a loss for words on it for about three days now.
melissa is a part of my life that is more than three years ago. i have grown so much in the last three years, that i am no longer the boy that loved her, i am a man trying to figure stuff out on his own, in a city far away from her. she has grown too. she is much stronger than she was when i left her, finding her way in the world as best she can. we are much different than we used to be and i know she is not what i want.
i need to be challenged and melissa could never challenge me. she was always so in awe of my abilities and i always resented that. i have found in the last few years, that i am looking for a woman whom i will respect with every fiber of my being. sometimes, i think this is why i go for artists. THE HEARTBREAKER was a better artist than me and i always loved that about her. things crumbled with THE DANCING GIRL so fast, because she had no driving passion, no desire to change the world... call me a hopeless romantic, but that is what i am looking for. besides, i'm only 23, i'm allowed to be naive and picky right now.
she is a sweet girl and i love her and i love all of the memories i have with her; but i outgrew what we had. i sometimes think she has some feelings lingering in her heart for me; but if anything, these are connections to the past, not the future. any love she may still feel for me is just her own fear of moving forward. i know she is still fighting the same battles she fought when she was 19. i know, deep down, she may still hate parts of herself. i know she is much better now, i can tell. but, deep down, she still carries the same fear and baggage that her parents left her with. one day, she will work through all of these problems and i will just be a memory of the past, not a distant hope for the future.
its tricky enough for us to try to be friends as it is. i am still as aggravated by her lying to herself now as i was when i broke up with her; she is still as aggravated by my ego and abrasiveness as she was when we used to fight in our last year together. best to leave the past in the past and look forward to the future without attachments.
i do not know why YOU want us together so much. i have never tried to prevent you from having a relationship with her; nor will i ever in the future; nor will anyone i am with romantically (and if they did, i'd give them the boot). so, no worries.
luv,
jordan.
EMAIL 3 (her reply)
from: BuckyKatt666's Mom
to: BuckyKatt666
it's so hard to hear the truth, but i know you know yourself better than anyone else. i just love her so much. can you bring an exacto knife with you when you come home? I need a picture trimmed down. thanks.
love,
your mum
***
i think the funniest part, is that, in all of this bizarreness, she still asks me to bring an X-acto knife home at christmas time.
magnificent!
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
proaggression:
you rock! Nuff said!
mydogfarted:
Let me poke the SGNY/SGNJ crowd for better fun nights and get back to you.