boundcreature

get up and go.
all that i know.

scream.
yell.
run around the circle.

feel alive on the edges.
strangers punch me in the face.
its ok. i sorta like it.

i like the craziness;
the frenzy of it all.
i like losing myself in it.

last year at this time,
i listened to nothing but
COHEN, NICO, and SPARKLEHORSE
and i was very sad and lonely.
and i just wanted someone to hold me.

this year, right now i'm playing MURPHYS LAW and
THE EXPLOITED and LARS & THE BASTARDS
and THE DWARVES and such...
and i still feel kinda sad, but not so much lonely,
just like i don't have much trust left,
but nothing to trust in anyway.

i feel safer being hit,
you can trust that; its immediate.
i think pain is only scary if you
are afraid of getting hurt.

i don't know if it makes me really fucked up,
but i like to feel the pain,
just so i know that i'm real,
that i'm not going through the motions.

i wonder if i should just try to crawl
completely into myself?

too many words in my head.
always too many words in my head...
rather draw pictures.

***

i keep writing stuff like this and yesterdays bit, y'all are gonna get too far inside my head and things are gonna get awkward around here, aren't they? eh.

for some reason, i'd rather let stuff spill out then try to hide anything. i live my life like an open book and i sometimes wonder if i get boring? if people would prefer a little mystery? or maybe thats my charm, that i say just what i'm thinking and so i'm either really close to someone or they think i'm a complete asshole...

the middle-ground, like having regrets, is totally for pussies.

***

today is FOUR days in a row at the library doing research, but...

manray tonight!

then...

LARS FREDRIKSEN & THE BASTARDS with ROGER MIRET & THE DISASTERS tomorrow...

punk rock!

woo hoo!

ps there will be screaming and sweating and dancing!