hrm, i was three hours late for work today. didn't call in, didn't mention it. my manager just assumed i had the day off, didn't give me any shit about it, and just told me i could leave whenever i wanted. i swear, when i go to work, it is to some kind of alternate reality where no wrong can happen.
i spent my time at work writing ads to post on craigslist. no one noticed.
i am facing a very hard decision right now. well, not hard, just confusing. i almost quit this morning, right before i walked in, i thought about turning around and walking back to the bus stop, but i couldn't do it. i know the only way i could survive quitting my job (because i have like, 74 dollars to my name) is if i quit in a burst of enthusiasm and then come back home and try hustle freelance work like a greased up poolboy.
i do not think this will happen.
so now, i'm thinking about trying to work more consistent hours and days, and changing my schedule so i can go in at 1pm and work until 6pm four or five days/week. its probably pretty funny that i bitch about working like 20 hours/week, but keep in mind, its the 20 hours i get paid for, the rest of the week i work on building an infrastructure for me to write, illustrate, design and publish through my own company. so, i try to keep the time at the day job as low as possible, even though that means i live on less that 12k/year and do not have any kind of health insurance.
so, i'm thinking i'm gonna work consistently just for two months, from now until the end of the year, and i'm going to finish my obligations on the scooter store website, then, come january, i will either be a COMPLETELY free man, able to run my freelance business at my leisure while working a couple of hours a week at the sign shop, or commit myself completely to relaunching WE MUST BECOME OUR HEROES and thus conquering the pop culture landscape.
the third option for january is that the scooter guy claims to have three separate prospects lined up to buy franchises of the scooter store. if this happens, i will be getting hired to design all three stores, and i will make as much money in the first six months of next year as i did in the last two or three years put together. i would like for that to happen, obviously. i would get to spend three weeks or so on the road for each store i built and i would be working with a much larger budget for the actual production work that goes into each store. on top of that, the main company (the scooter guy's company) would have enough capital to invest more thoroughly in their graphic design, illustration, and marketing budgets (which is me).
but of course, all of this is irrelevant, because right now, i have enough money to pay my rent, nothing is guaranteed, and i can very well make it to january only to find that the scooter stuff fell through, and i'm just as poor as i am right now, hate my job just as much, and am no further along at getting my graphic arts business off the ground.
my head hurts.
***
so someone thought i was a good enough guy in the last couple of days to tell me so. and like it is every now and again when i hear that said honestly, it was a bit humbling.
there seems to be some confusion among the people that i develop close relationships with (friends, family, and lovers) as to whether i am a complete bastard or a sensitive and very caring nice guy. it seems to be split, people who encounter me for any great length of time and intimacy seem to think either one or the other.
i, myself, know for a fact that i am really nice to some people and come off as a complete bastard to others.
i think i figured out why the other night.
its cuz i just don't give a shit about some people.
that sounds way worse then it needs to.
when i meet someone interesting to me, i can become very interested in learning about them. i ask them questions. i listen to them talk. etc. other times, i either talk about myself, or keep quiet and introspective until something more interesting happens.
in the most recent case, i got to know someone on a bit of a deeper level and was able to empathize with her situation and came away admiring the courage and tenacity it takes to keep waking up every day and doing your best to make things better.
i can relate to that.
i can't relate to (for instance) the girl i met a month or two ago who just went on and on and on about how mature she was and how interesting she was and all of that bollocks, because it sounded like she was trying to prove herself, trying to justify herself to me.
y'know, i have no idea what my point is here. i had one, but now i've lost it, so, you can all have this for now, and if i am thinking more clearly later, i will turn this into the standard buckykatt666 reflections on the people i know type journal you've all come to know and love.
peace out.
i spent my time at work writing ads to post on craigslist. no one noticed.
i am facing a very hard decision right now. well, not hard, just confusing. i almost quit this morning, right before i walked in, i thought about turning around and walking back to the bus stop, but i couldn't do it. i know the only way i could survive quitting my job (because i have like, 74 dollars to my name) is if i quit in a burst of enthusiasm and then come back home and try hustle freelance work like a greased up poolboy.
i do not think this will happen.
so now, i'm thinking about trying to work more consistent hours and days, and changing my schedule so i can go in at 1pm and work until 6pm four or five days/week. its probably pretty funny that i bitch about working like 20 hours/week, but keep in mind, its the 20 hours i get paid for, the rest of the week i work on building an infrastructure for me to write, illustrate, design and publish through my own company. so, i try to keep the time at the day job as low as possible, even though that means i live on less that 12k/year and do not have any kind of health insurance.
so, i'm thinking i'm gonna work consistently just for two months, from now until the end of the year, and i'm going to finish my obligations on the scooter store website, then, come january, i will either be a COMPLETELY free man, able to run my freelance business at my leisure while working a couple of hours a week at the sign shop, or commit myself completely to relaunching WE MUST BECOME OUR HEROES and thus conquering the pop culture landscape.
the third option for january is that the scooter guy claims to have three separate prospects lined up to buy franchises of the scooter store. if this happens, i will be getting hired to design all three stores, and i will make as much money in the first six months of next year as i did in the last two or three years put together. i would like for that to happen, obviously. i would get to spend three weeks or so on the road for each store i built and i would be working with a much larger budget for the actual production work that goes into each store. on top of that, the main company (the scooter guy's company) would have enough capital to invest more thoroughly in their graphic design, illustration, and marketing budgets (which is me).
but of course, all of this is irrelevant, because right now, i have enough money to pay my rent, nothing is guaranteed, and i can very well make it to january only to find that the scooter stuff fell through, and i'm just as poor as i am right now, hate my job just as much, and am no further along at getting my graphic arts business off the ground.
my head hurts.
***
so someone thought i was a good enough guy in the last couple of days to tell me so. and like it is every now and again when i hear that said honestly, it was a bit humbling.
there seems to be some confusion among the people that i develop close relationships with (friends, family, and lovers) as to whether i am a complete bastard or a sensitive and very caring nice guy. it seems to be split, people who encounter me for any great length of time and intimacy seem to think either one or the other.
i, myself, know for a fact that i am really nice to some people and come off as a complete bastard to others.
i think i figured out why the other night.
its cuz i just don't give a shit about some people.
that sounds way worse then it needs to.
when i meet someone interesting to me, i can become very interested in learning about them. i ask them questions. i listen to them talk. etc. other times, i either talk about myself, or keep quiet and introspective until something more interesting happens.
in the most recent case, i got to know someone on a bit of a deeper level and was able to empathize with her situation and came away admiring the courage and tenacity it takes to keep waking up every day and doing your best to make things better.
i can relate to that.
i can't relate to (for instance) the girl i met a month or two ago who just went on and on and on about how mature she was and how interesting she was and all of that bollocks, because it sounded like she was trying to prove herself, trying to justify herself to me.
y'know, i have no idea what my point is here. i had one, but now i've lost it, so, you can all have this for now, and if i am thinking more clearly later, i will turn this into the standard buckykatt666 reflections on the people i know type journal you've all come to know and love.
peace out.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
yay!!!
Make sure whatever decisions you make about work are well thought out. Follow your dream, just be sure you can pay the rent too.
Hope all else is well
Anne