boundcreature

four girls...

this one, she had short, slightly curlly bleach-blonde hair. she came on strong and danced her way into my movements. she faked being tall with a pretty intense set of heels that hurt her feet while she danced. she thought fashion should come before comfort. i think that too. if it hurts, you probably look great! i snaked my way free but she found me again and again, she was on the hunt, she smiled and touched me and moved with purpose and confidence.

this other one, i had seen before at the begnining of the summer (and many times since) one night i danced pretty close to her for a few songs, she apologized for bumping into me then walked away. last night she had smiles for me and complemented me on my shirt. she and her friend liked it. i like the way she dances and i think she smells good. she has a great smile.

her friend, she knows how to move, better put, her body moves, as if on instinct, as if following a fundamental rhythm that flows from within. she has magic in her eyes and it causes a profound melting sensation when she is looking up at you and speaking. she asked if i came there often, and i had to tell her that i've been there all summer. she didn't recognize me, but she's seen me at least ten or fifteen times. it must've been the lack of eyeliner and the existence of facial hair, the new pants and the beret. i get told often that i look like a different person from time to time. it comes from refusing to pick one style. i grab what i like and integrate it into the look as i please.

the last girl was the first girl i found when i set about trying to find a cute girl to take my mind off of things, the first cute girl i saw when i hit the club... was the one who broke up with me two weeks ago. silly that. you meet someone and learn them and demystify them, but in a certain setting, they still have these phantom powers to take your eyes from everyone else and carry them for as long as they please. i tried to talk to her but she was having none of it. she's pissed at me. with good reason, but still pissed.

so now i'm sitting here, ready to get working, thinking about four girls and all i really want is one girl and i'm not sure who she is and i have no idea if she's one of the four or one out of hundreds or one out of thousands or one i've met already, one who's dumped me, one i've left behind or one i've never considered.

i'm a big softy. a hopeless romantic with a penchant for the dramatic.

i think thats why all of my relationships start with a pop and end by slamming into a brick wall.

the fourth girl called me this morning because i wanted to talk and i don't think she got anything out of what i had to say. how could she? i made no definitive statements, just set up scenarios and weighed options. i'd like to be with her but i don't think it could work between us. we're too fucked-up for each other. but i still want to be her friend. she needs someone to care about her. she deserves it.

the first girl, she sent me an email first thing this morning. she included her cell phone number and said she'd like to talk sometime.

too many girls, too many thoughts, i want to live in a world, just for a little while, where girls and kisses are nothing too serious, and all that matters is having the time every day to put pencil to paper and find myself in words and pictures.

i'm a good boy and generous with cuddles and hugs, i don't want to go to sleep alone anymore then most people do, but right now i can't be trusted with anyones feelings, my mind is on self-exploration even if my body wants to explore yours...