i think NOVELTY by joy division may be one of the best songs i have ever heard in my life.
right now i feel like everything in the whole world is okay. i don't want to leave my room ever again. i want to sit in front of the fan and listen to joy division and cry. i am not even sad. i am really, not even that happy. its just sometimes certain pieces of music really make me feel like this and i don't want to give up the feeling.
fuck i love this song.
fuck, i wanna be in love right now.
for once in my life though, i have no interest in rushing into it with whoever is around. that ex-girl of mine will never know how bad she burned me and how tentative its made me.
i thought about her (the ex) last night and today whenever i thought about the girl i have been dating/hanging out with recently. i still miss the ex-girl, but now i realize that most of what i feel for her is dissapointment. in the end, she showed what kind of person she was and i loved her so much i just didn't want to admit to myself that she wasn't as strong as me, she wasn't a fighter, she was a quitter...
and, i don't think i'd last very long with a quitter. i come from a long line of fighters. its in my blood.
i don't know how to give up.
really. i don't.
its almost a fault.
right now i feel like everything in the whole world is okay. i don't want to leave my room ever again. i want to sit in front of the fan and listen to joy division and cry. i am not even sad. i am really, not even that happy. its just sometimes certain pieces of music really make me feel like this and i don't want to give up the feeling.
fuck i love this song.
fuck, i wanna be in love right now.
for once in my life though, i have no interest in rushing into it with whoever is around. that ex-girl of mine will never know how bad she burned me and how tentative its made me.
i thought about her (the ex) last night and today whenever i thought about the girl i have been dating/hanging out with recently. i still miss the ex-girl, but now i realize that most of what i feel for her is dissapointment. in the end, she showed what kind of person she was and i loved her so much i just didn't want to admit to myself that she wasn't as strong as me, she wasn't a fighter, she was a quitter...
and, i don't think i'd last very long with a quitter. i come from a long line of fighters. its in my blood.
i don't know how to give up.
really. i don't.
its almost a fault.
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we call that persistance.
I am notorious for it, my last 3 boyfriends have been because of it. I am a fighter too but I do not view it as a fault.
unless that is what is keeping this feeling of a hole in my stomach around.
I want to be in love too, I feel you.
~ the angel*