somewhere deep inside of me there is a comic book artist and he is sobbing.
don't have much of anything to say but i felt like changing the journal. started to feel silly, with it up there. i dunno. i don't usually ever feel exposed or anything like that, i mean, i've never really been embarrassed about anything or secretive. generally people seem to get upset with me from time to time cuz i'm so open. but, the seriousness and quality of everyones comments started to make the whole thing feel like a much bigger deal than it actually is. i mean, i totally thank everybody for being so cool and giving me their thoughts (which is what i wanted). but i guess i'm just uncomfortable with the thought that you all may think i'm wiggin out over here about this girl i've been crushin' on.
maybe i'm being silly or maybe i'm just feeling solitudinous. i always operate better as a lone gunman. i've been trying my damndest to get out of that mindset, to open myself to be interested in, and depend on, other people, but for the most part i fall back on a quote from the opening of CONAN THE BARBARIAN.
Conans Father is holding up a sword he has just crafted and says to Young Conan: "For no one, no one in this world can you trust, not men, not women, not beasts... this (the sword) you can trust." You can take it as a lame action movie quote, like "here's your sword, go be a warrior son." But its deeper than that. In the film, the sword (referred to as "the riddle of steel") becomes a metaphor for the strength and discipline inside of a person. The Riddle of Steel being that STEEL is strong, but that it is nothing compared to the FLESH that wields it. So, within this metaphor, the quote is a declaration of individuality and the power inherent within the self. His Father's is really telling him that he cannot depend on others, that it is a hard world and he must make his own way, that friends, lovers, and even animals will turn away, fade away, betray, or fall short: the only certainty is the self, what you set out to be, what you make of yourself.
Anyone who's only seen the movie on TBS or TNT is missing out. The remasted widescreen DVD is gorgeous and the story is moving, dramatic, symbolic and powerful (and it has one of the best soundtracks of all time). This was Arnolds breathrough role and he would've had a much different career if he kept working with directors of the caliber of John Milius. One thing many people don't realize is that Oliver Stone wrote the first couple of drafts of the Conan script, then John Milius and Roy Thomas (who wrote almost every issue of the Marvel Comic) tightened it up. It was Milius who responsible for adding all the Nietzche-ian overtones. As a film it often gets overlooked because of the slew of cheap imitations it inspired.
So, I guess this whole journal was me as someone who does not like to count on anything or anyone but himself being slightly unused to a barage of interesting and well-thought out opinions on something that I'm quite comfortable handing on my own and that I might not even be thinking about three weeks from now. Don't get me wrong, I wrote all of that cuz I felt like it and I wanted to hear what you all thought...
Maybe I'm just being silly.
I'll leave it at that I guess.
*** Edited to add***
I just reread all of yesterdays comments. You are all awesome and I am retarded.
*** End Edit ***
don't have much of anything to say but i felt like changing the journal. started to feel silly, with it up there. i dunno. i don't usually ever feel exposed or anything like that, i mean, i've never really been embarrassed about anything or secretive. generally people seem to get upset with me from time to time cuz i'm so open. but, the seriousness and quality of everyones comments started to make the whole thing feel like a much bigger deal than it actually is. i mean, i totally thank everybody for being so cool and giving me their thoughts (which is what i wanted). but i guess i'm just uncomfortable with the thought that you all may think i'm wiggin out over here about this girl i've been crushin' on.
maybe i'm being silly or maybe i'm just feeling solitudinous. i always operate better as a lone gunman. i've been trying my damndest to get out of that mindset, to open myself to be interested in, and depend on, other people, but for the most part i fall back on a quote from the opening of CONAN THE BARBARIAN.
Conans Father is holding up a sword he has just crafted and says to Young Conan: "For no one, no one in this world can you trust, not men, not women, not beasts... this (the sword) you can trust." You can take it as a lame action movie quote, like "here's your sword, go be a warrior son." But its deeper than that. In the film, the sword (referred to as "the riddle of steel") becomes a metaphor for the strength and discipline inside of a person. The Riddle of Steel being that STEEL is strong, but that it is nothing compared to the FLESH that wields it. So, within this metaphor, the quote is a declaration of individuality and the power inherent within the self. His Father's is really telling him that he cannot depend on others, that it is a hard world and he must make his own way, that friends, lovers, and even animals will turn away, fade away, betray, or fall short: the only certainty is the self, what you set out to be, what you make of yourself.
Anyone who's only seen the movie on TBS or TNT is missing out. The remasted widescreen DVD is gorgeous and the story is moving, dramatic, symbolic and powerful (and it has one of the best soundtracks of all time). This was Arnolds breathrough role and he would've had a much different career if he kept working with directors of the caliber of John Milius. One thing many people don't realize is that Oliver Stone wrote the first couple of drafts of the Conan script, then John Milius and Roy Thomas (who wrote almost every issue of the Marvel Comic) tightened it up. It was Milius who responsible for adding all the Nietzche-ian overtones. As a film it often gets overlooked because of the slew of cheap imitations it inspired.
So, I guess this whole journal was me as someone who does not like to count on anything or anyone but himself being slightly unused to a barage of interesting and well-thought out opinions on something that I'm quite comfortable handing on my own and that I might not even be thinking about three weeks from now. Don't get me wrong, I wrote all of that cuz I felt like it and I wanted to hear what you all thought...
Maybe I'm just being silly.
I'll leave it at that I guess.
*** Edited to add***
I just reread all of yesterdays comments. You are all awesome and I am retarded.
*** End Edit ***
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
deadlyeye:
hey.. how is everything?
mc_escher:
i haven't seen conan since grade school probably. but i do remember that james earl jones does confront conan on the issue of strength. he coaxes a girl to jump off a cliff and talks about how that is strength. what's your interpretation of that exchange?