Thanks for everyone's advice, you are all awesomeness with icing on top.
***
A little somethin' different today but first a poem i wrote and emailed to myself (must be spending too much time around that PLAINGURL):
like a bombshell c'mon baby rip it apart
false intimacy shrapnel tear my heart
now its intergalactic rage
at this diabolical stage
lonely boy needs a fresh start
it has no title but it sorta sounds like I ripped off some AN ALBATROSS lyrics (i didn't i swear, i just typed that at work in about 2 minutes).
anyway, onto the update, i wrote this 11/6/03 on a very good and optimistic day and emailed it to a bunch of my friends (i used to frequently send group emails before i had this journal nonsense to occupy me). a few weeks later everything crashed into the ground, i almost had a nervous breakdown and i had to take serious steps to get my life on track, then, the girl i was writing about in certain parts of this dumped me and i got sadder still, but life was going good at least.
anyway, i really like what i wrote, i'm trying to base my publishing company/graphic arts studio around the "forged sword" metaphor, so thats why i dug it out.
enjoy (maybe):
Man, Michael Moore makes me feel good about being alive. That dudes got some
serious dedication to this shit. I love knowing that someone besides me (and
with about a million, billion times more clout) is saying things like "we will
make the world a better place for everyone."
I think if the whole world felt as good as I have in the last few days, every
social problem would be eradicated in a matter of weeks. I've been working out a
lot and the result is that my body feels alive and surging with energy. When I'm
cooped up in my room teaching myself basic small-business accounting I am fully
aware that I am a living breathing, powerful organism. Five weeks of almost
daily push-ups has actually visibly hardened and increased the size of my chest;
I love knowing that my actions can affect reality. If I work out every day I
feel fit, alive, and sexy/If I eat cookie dough and watch TV every day, I get
fat and lazy and my energy is nonexistant.
The books I've been reading lately have had a profound affect on the way I view
the world. Nothing earth-shatteringly new, just a lot of subtle refinements of
my previous ideas. I've come to see that I live my life like I'm a sword being
shaped by a smith. A couple years ago I was raw metal-ore, but the hammer (life)
has been banging away at me hard, knocking the weakness off and shaping me into
a focused, beautiful object. Every strike that doesn't break the blade makes it
harder, stronger, more focused. It becomes a powerful tool: a tool is an object
(an organism) that can get things done. Something to be used to affect reality.
I've been reading alot of journal entries from the last few years as well, and
it just reinforces this metaphor. You've all seen and felt every crushing
dissapointment I've faced... but, they were just blows of the hammer, and I've
survived them all. The hammer is going to keep falling, and its probably gonna
keep hitting harder and harder. And, its never going to break me.
I have an image of myself now that I'm completely at one with. I'm sure it is
part idealized, but it all comes from internal and external observations of
myself. I don't think I've gotten lucky with the freelance jobs I've brought in
this month. I think I've grown and discovered how to completely (and fearlessly)
unleash the individual. I walk like a powerful, beautiful, tough, crafty, sexy
creature. I am so me that no one else could be.
Don't mistake this for my usual "arrogance" I'm not saying that I'm more
beautiful than someone or the most beautiful or most sexy or any of that
bollocks. What I'm saying is that I think I'm beautiful and I think I'm sexy and
I trust and respect myself. Its not about wanting the rest of the world to
acknowledge these things; its about not caring if they do or not, because I
acknowledge it.
I don't think I'm the best of anything. But, I do think I'm dangerous and nearly
unstoppable. Self-obsession or self-acceptance?
I think society (from Christianity to modern MEDIA) encourages us to continue
thinking that we are weak and we cannot affect the world. That we NEED God's
help or TV's help. Well, fuck that. I've seen the look in people's eyes and the
swift change in their mannerisms when they realize that they are confronting the
fully-realized ego.
This is what happens when you plunge headlong into becoming a Samurai. This is
the fire in Henry Rollins' eyes. Its not about being a tough guy or a
narcissist, its about realizing that you are alive! Its about refusing the beer,
drugs, tv, excuses, fear, lust, and weakness that take out our peers and hitting
the work like a bulldozer. It doesn't even matter WHAT your work is. It just has
to serve some purpose and it has to make you feel alive, make you feel useful.
With all of these revelations in fresh in my mind. I'm starting to see that
letting a girl into your life isn't as simple as just being completely open and
throwing yourself wildly and fearlessly into any situation: it's about being so
comfortable with who your are that you allow them the time to get to know you as
you get to know them. Its not about going from 0 to fucking in one night: its
about going from standing four feet apart at the end of the first night as you
say your goodbyes to you letting her put her head on your chest as you watch a
movie two weeks later. False intimacy is easy. You can get it in minutes. For
two strangers too feel comfortable in an intimate setting is a whole other
obstacle.
When you kiss with lust its just a kiss. When you kiss with intimacy your body
shakes.
So, why am I fucking rambling at you guys like this? I don't know. I guess I
just want everyone I know to feel as good as I feel sometimes. None of the
things that happen to me are luck or fate or magic or Gods plan. Its all me
trying my best everyday to have a life worth living.
Theres a song by the Stiff Little Fingers called "Stand up and Shout" that has a
line that goes: "Whats yours is yours if you will just Stand up and Shout"...
That's what I'm feeling right now. There is a world out there and it can be
ours! We just have to keep fighting and take the time to LOVE BEING ALIVE!!! I
hope I'm not coming off like I lost my mind... I'm just in one of the eye of the
storm moments where I can see right to the finish line and I know in my heart
that I'm gonna earn everything I've ever wanted and my life is gonna be an act
of beauty, a story for the ages...
There is more to life than weathering the storm and getting through the day: you
have to fight just a little bit harder and follow your heart and make something
for yourself. Thats what its all about. The struggle that shapes us. The
beautiful things that make us stop fighting long enough to admire them. We're
all a bunch of crazy kids at a scary, pivotal time in our lives and we just
gotta keep going. Its so worth it though. Its really, really ugly in the world
right now. The news has been really upsetting as of late, what with the war and
all that... but, life has so many beautiful things to offer if you leave
yourself open to them. What makes you happy? What makes you smile? What makes
you feel like you're alive? I'll tell you man, I felt like I was living the
meaning of life working and listening to the Buzzcocks yesterday; I found the
meaning of life with my lips on the back of a beautiful girls' warm soft neck. I
feel it pumping in my chest, I feel it in the strain in my arms when I force
myself through five more pushups...
Sparklehorse was sooo right: It is a Sad and Beautiful World.
***
A little somethin' different today but first a poem i wrote and emailed to myself (must be spending too much time around that PLAINGURL):
like a bombshell c'mon baby rip it apart
false intimacy shrapnel tear my heart
now its intergalactic rage
at this diabolical stage
lonely boy needs a fresh start
it has no title but it sorta sounds like I ripped off some AN ALBATROSS lyrics (i didn't i swear, i just typed that at work in about 2 minutes).
anyway, onto the update, i wrote this 11/6/03 on a very good and optimistic day and emailed it to a bunch of my friends (i used to frequently send group emails before i had this journal nonsense to occupy me). a few weeks later everything crashed into the ground, i almost had a nervous breakdown and i had to take serious steps to get my life on track, then, the girl i was writing about in certain parts of this dumped me and i got sadder still, but life was going good at least.
anyway, i really like what i wrote, i'm trying to base my publishing company/graphic arts studio around the "forged sword" metaphor, so thats why i dug it out.
enjoy (maybe):
Man, Michael Moore makes me feel good about being alive. That dudes got some
serious dedication to this shit. I love knowing that someone besides me (and
with about a million, billion times more clout) is saying things like "we will
make the world a better place for everyone."
I think if the whole world felt as good as I have in the last few days, every
social problem would be eradicated in a matter of weeks. I've been working out a
lot and the result is that my body feels alive and surging with energy. When I'm
cooped up in my room teaching myself basic small-business accounting I am fully
aware that I am a living breathing, powerful organism. Five weeks of almost
daily push-ups has actually visibly hardened and increased the size of my chest;
I love knowing that my actions can affect reality. If I work out every day I
feel fit, alive, and sexy/If I eat cookie dough and watch TV every day, I get
fat and lazy and my energy is nonexistant.
The books I've been reading lately have had a profound affect on the way I view
the world. Nothing earth-shatteringly new, just a lot of subtle refinements of
my previous ideas. I've come to see that I live my life like I'm a sword being
shaped by a smith. A couple years ago I was raw metal-ore, but the hammer (life)
has been banging away at me hard, knocking the weakness off and shaping me into
a focused, beautiful object. Every strike that doesn't break the blade makes it
harder, stronger, more focused. It becomes a powerful tool: a tool is an object
(an organism) that can get things done. Something to be used to affect reality.
I've been reading alot of journal entries from the last few years as well, and
it just reinforces this metaphor. You've all seen and felt every crushing
dissapointment I've faced... but, they were just blows of the hammer, and I've
survived them all. The hammer is going to keep falling, and its probably gonna
keep hitting harder and harder. And, its never going to break me.
I have an image of myself now that I'm completely at one with. I'm sure it is
part idealized, but it all comes from internal and external observations of
myself. I don't think I've gotten lucky with the freelance jobs I've brought in
this month. I think I've grown and discovered how to completely (and fearlessly)
unleash the individual. I walk like a powerful, beautiful, tough, crafty, sexy
creature. I am so me that no one else could be.
Don't mistake this for my usual "arrogance" I'm not saying that I'm more
beautiful than someone or the most beautiful or most sexy or any of that
bollocks. What I'm saying is that I think I'm beautiful and I think I'm sexy and
I trust and respect myself. Its not about wanting the rest of the world to
acknowledge these things; its about not caring if they do or not, because I
acknowledge it.
I don't think I'm the best of anything. But, I do think I'm dangerous and nearly
unstoppable. Self-obsession or self-acceptance?
I think society (from Christianity to modern MEDIA) encourages us to continue
thinking that we are weak and we cannot affect the world. That we NEED God's
help or TV's help. Well, fuck that. I've seen the look in people's eyes and the
swift change in their mannerisms when they realize that they are confronting the
fully-realized ego.
This is what happens when you plunge headlong into becoming a Samurai. This is
the fire in Henry Rollins' eyes. Its not about being a tough guy or a
narcissist, its about realizing that you are alive! Its about refusing the beer,
drugs, tv, excuses, fear, lust, and weakness that take out our peers and hitting
the work like a bulldozer. It doesn't even matter WHAT your work is. It just has
to serve some purpose and it has to make you feel alive, make you feel useful.
With all of these revelations in fresh in my mind. I'm starting to see that
letting a girl into your life isn't as simple as just being completely open and
throwing yourself wildly and fearlessly into any situation: it's about being so
comfortable with who your are that you allow them the time to get to know you as
you get to know them. Its not about going from 0 to fucking in one night: its
about going from standing four feet apart at the end of the first night as you
say your goodbyes to you letting her put her head on your chest as you watch a
movie two weeks later. False intimacy is easy. You can get it in minutes. For
two strangers too feel comfortable in an intimate setting is a whole other
obstacle.
When you kiss with lust its just a kiss. When you kiss with intimacy your body
shakes.
So, why am I fucking rambling at you guys like this? I don't know. I guess I
just want everyone I know to feel as good as I feel sometimes. None of the
things that happen to me are luck or fate or magic or Gods plan. Its all me
trying my best everyday to have a life worth living.
Theres a song by the Stiff Little Fingers called "Stand up and Shout" that has a
line that goes: "Whats yours is yours if you will just Stand up and Shout"...
That's what I'm feeling right now. There is a world out there and it can be
ours! We just have to keep fighting and take the time to LOVE BEING ALIVE!!! I
hope I'm not coming off like I lost my mind... I'm just in one of the eye of the
storm moments where I can see right to the finish line and I know in my heart
that I'm gonna earn everything I've ever wanted and my life is gonna be an act
of beauty, a story for the ages...
There is more to life than weathering the storm and getting through the day: you
have to fight just a little bit harder and follow your heart and make something
for yourself. Thats what its all about. The struggle that shapes us. The
beautiful things that make us stop fighting long enough to admire them. We're
all a bunch of crazy kids at a scary, pivotal time in our lives and we just
gotta keep going. Its so worth it though. Its really, really ugly in the world
right now. The news has been really upsetting as of late, what with the war and
all that... but, life has so many beautiful things to offer if you leave
yourself open to them. What makes you happy? What makes you smile? What makes
you feel like you're alive? I'll tell you man, I felt like I was living the
meaning of life working and listening to the Buzzcocks yesterday; I found the
meaning of life with my lips on the back of a beautiful girls' warm soft neck. I
feel it pumping in my chest, I feel it in the strain in my arms when I force
myself through five more pushups...
Sparklehorse was sooo right: It is a Sad and Beautiful World.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
1) Kickboxing is a more formidable street fighting practice.
2) Kickboxing is faster.
3) Kickboxing requires much less finess that TKD.
4) Kickboxing is good for fighters who have natural H2H combat skill, where as TKD requires more preparation.
Here's what I say: Find a club nearby and try it out for a few months. It'll probably bore you for the first while because really in KB it's endurance, strength, and speed that matter more than technique - so alot fo clubs just focus on conditioning (which you'd already have). Once you start sparring I think you'll love it. It's fast and hard hitting. There's never a "right" or a "wrong" way to block something - if you've avoided getting hit, than good for you
Alot of people think kick boxing is 1/2 kicks and 1/2 punches. That's not really true. Unless someone is 4+ inches taller/shorter than you the match will probably consist of very few kicks. Instead it will be a rather intense boxing round.
Anyways, if ya wanna know more - drop me a line.
Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
--Dave.