Alright, so I swear to Christ this shit only happens to me. I am not making any of this up, tonight ACTUALLY happened.
I decided to go see the Kings of Nuthin' play at TT the Bears, no big deal, it's the fourth show I've been to this week, it's my new thing, going to shows by myself and rocking out in a vain attempt at forgetting certain things by having fun. Most of the show is decidedly non-descript. I see a smokin' hot girl and she never looks at me twice, which is a bummer, cuz I thought I looked really hot. (Sidenote: for reasons still unknown to me, probably due to the great weather, I wore the sleeveless red and black striped spandex shirt all by itself - no workshirt over it to make the ensemble less gay - I accessorized with a tie and finished off with the tight fucking rocker pants and the unlooped studded belt. I'm assuming, since this is the first time I wore them together, that they are responsible for the night that followed. Oh, and i smeared red eyeliner on too).
So two bands play (one awesome band from Ireland called BLOOD OR WHISKEY who had an accordion player, a tin whistler, and an electric banjo rocker guy, he had a rat-tail, apparently they are not illegal in Ireland) and nothing exciting happens. For a while I dance near this girl who keeps checking me out and I start to get bummed cuz I wasn't into her at all and I wanted the hot girl to look at me. I am extra bummed, because a girl with Leah's haircut keeps walking just outside of my field of vision and giving me a sick feeling every time I think I almost see Leah. (Sidebar: If Leah was a wound in my side that was gradually healing, then every time I am reminded of her would be like rusty nails ripping the scabs off).
The Kings get prepared to go on, when two girls surround me. They inform that the party is right where I'm standing and I will NOT be readmitted if I leave this spot. I ask if there will be dancing at this party and they imply that not only is dancing permitted, it is encouraged. They are both very fun, the one on my right introduces herself as Janet, she looks like my friend Jess, right down to the nose ring, and, like with my friend Jess, I am completely attracted to her. The Kings come on. Dancing, a lot of dancing, happens. Unlike the last time I saw them when everyone moshed, this time, they danced like they were at a show featuring a band playing 50's style rock n' roll. Janet is a hell of a dancer and keeps up with me even when the fast songs start and a pit somehow springs to life from in between us. The girl who was checking me out earlier keeps bouncing around me checking me out still, she is dancing now, not standing awkwardly still and I think she may have had a chance, had Janet and Company not brought the fun so profoundly.
I get tired and get some water during a song I don't know. I return and Janet has dissappeared, I am saddened by this development, but the dancing MUST go on. This is when all hell breaks loose. I am dancing when I feel a hand touch my hand, I think nothing of it, again it happens and I turn to see if someone is grabbing at me and decide it was just a random occurence. A hand firmly grabs my ass and pulls me into the attached body, it belongs to an extremely friendly girl who (apparently) wanted me to dance with her, so I favor her with a few steps and I swing her about a bit, I don't particularly want to dance with her, I can't imagine any circumstance where I would find her attractive, but hey I'm HERE FOR FUN. But... then... she... does that thing where they like gyrate and hump on your leg {at this point, I am completely fucking terrified and I don't know what to do). The song ends and I turn my back to her and run away -- right into Janet.
I ask Janet if she can pretend like she likes me and stand between me and the ass-grabber, she says that she can do this (actually, she pulled me into her and put her head on my shoulder). Anyway, lots more dancing happens, a couple of times I am actually dancing with Janet and the first girl who kept checking me out and I'm trying to tell the girl - by interpretive dance - that I am dancing with this nice girl with the nose ring and the short black hair and the pretty blue eyes. It does not work.
In a bit of karmic hilarity, this chap who had been irritating Janet - sticking beers in her face and such - is captured by the ass-grabber mere moments later, I am completely amazed by this. I inform Janet that she can stop pretending to like me, she says she wasn't pretending, I give permission for her to continue liking me.
More dancing. The band stops making the dance-enabling sounds (they were fucking awesome tonight). Janet says that she is from Portland, Maine she's in visiting relatives and she's leaving for her brother's house that is somewhere else far in 30 minutes with her friend, all in the space of a couple minutes. It is a bit of a bummer, because she is pretty and there is lots of that chemistry shit going on and MAN COULD SHE DANCE. She says that when I asked her to pretend to like me, she was tempted to start making out with me, I say that would have been okay. She asks is I wanna make-out now, silly me, I think she is kidding and say sure. Janet kisses me, its cool. I tell her she's a cute girl, she tells me I'm a cute boy, I kiss her hand and she says she hopes we meet again one day. I leave the girl madness of TT the Bears behind and walk to Harvard where I will have to wait 55 minutes for the Nite Owl Bus.
It takes me for FUCKING ever to find the right bus stop, when I do, I shout my victory with my arms raised to the sky-- to the complete disinterest of a bored high-schoolish looking girl waiting for the bus. Her name is Sara, she's actually a Junior in College (I swear to fuck, I should not be allowed to guess ANYONE'S age -- unless it's like Me and Dooges approximate guesses where it's like "we think she is between 12 and 40"). After a while of sitting around trying to amuse ourselves (I'm reading, she's listening to music) Sara asks if I read out loud, I say not normally and ask if she wants me to start, she says yes, I realize that the book I'm reading "The Essence of Aikido" is very dry and partly in Japanese and I'm understanding only a third of it and really, it would be a disaster of miscomprehension for everyone involved if I tried to read it out loud. So, we decide to talk. Turns out, she's really fucking fun. She makes fun of me, she slaps me twice, she acts cute, asks me where my friends are (oh? I um, don't actually have any friends in the city -- besides Jacob, but really, I annexed him from my best friend, so that doesn't count).
By the end of the night I have spurned the advances of two separate girls, kissed a firecracker of a girl from Portland, and got off the Nite Owl Bus with a girl named Sara's phone number written on the back of my hand.
Somehow, I still miss the hell out of Leah. Thoughts of her are bitter and full of anger. Janet is swirling in my head, but its weird because I keep thinking her name is Jess and I keep thinking of my friend Jess who is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in real life, and I think that Sara sure was cute and fun but I know that will never be anything but man it would be so awesome if she wanted to just be friends cuz she was really funny and I wish I had more friends. I wish there was some way to capture the moment when Janet said she wanted to kiss me and turn it into a small candy treat that I could eat whenever I was glum. I wish that I could tell Leah that I'm gonna kiss pretty girls all summer and this would make her suddenly turn into everything I want her to be (the only part of this equation I can control is the "kiss pretty girls all summer" bit, this doesn't seem like a terribly bad plan).
Girls swirl in my head. It occurs to me that girls and physical attraction and kisses are such fucked-up and crazy things and all a boy can really do is try to do like the Stiff Little Fingers and Dr. Frankenfurter and Herman Hesse say: Live your fucking dreams, that's the only way they are going to happen! Live the dreams, try to be the greatest Jordan I can be and accept the happy and sad that's bound to come down the road.
I decided to go see the Kings of Nuthin' play at TT the Bears, no big deal, it's the fourth show I've been to this week, it's my new thing, going to shows by myself and rocking out in a vain attempt at forgetting certain things by having fun. Most of the show is decidedly non-descript. I see a smokin' hot girl and she never looks at me twice, which is a bummer, cuz I thought I looked really hot. (Sidenote: for reasons still unknown to me, probably due to the great weather, I wore the sleeveless red and black striped spandex shirt all by itself - no workshirt over it to make the ensemble less gay - I accessorized with a tie and finished off with the tight fucking rocker pants and the unlooped studded belt. I'm assuming, since this is the first time I wore them together, that they are responsible for the night that followed. Oh, and i smeared red eyeliner on too).
So two bands play (one awesome band from Ireland called BLOOD OR WHISKEY who had an accordion player, a tin whistler, and an electric banjo rocker guy, he had a rat-tail, apparently they are not illegal in Ireland) and nothing exciting happens. For a while I dance near this girl who keeps checking me out and I start to get bummed cuz I wasn't into her at all and I wanted the hot girl to look at me. I am extra bummed, because a girl with Leah's haircut keeps walking just outside of my field of vision and giving me a sick feeling every time I think I almost see Leah. (Sidebar: If Leah was a wound in my side that was gradually healing, then every time I am reminded of her would be like rusty nails ripping the scabs off).
The Kings get prepared to go on, when two girls surround me. They inform that the party is right where I'm standing and I will NOT be readmitted if I leave this spot. I ask if there will be dancing at this party and they imply that not only is dancing permitted, it is encouraged. They are both very fun, the one on my right introduces herself as Janet, she looks like my friend Jess, right down to the nose ring, and, like with my friend Jess, I am completely attracted to her. The Kings come on. Dancing, a lot of dancing, happens. Unlike the last time I saw them when everyone moshed, this time, they danced like they were at a show featuring a band playing 50's style rock n' roll. Janet is a hell of a dancer and keeps up with me even when the fast songs start and a pit somehow springs to life from in between us. The girl who was checking me out earlier keeps bouncing around me checking me out still, she is dancing now, not standing awkwardly still and I think she may have had a chance, had Janet and Company not brought the fun so profoundly.
I get tired and get some water during a song I don't know. I return and Janet has dissappeared, I am saddened by this development, but the dancing MUST go on. This is when all hell breaks loose. I am dancing when I feel a hand touch my hand, I think nothing of it, again it happens and I turn to see if someone is grabbing at me and decide it was just a random occurence. A hand firmly grabs my ass and pulls me into the attached body, it belongs to an extremely friendly girl who (apparently) wanted me to dance with her, so I favor her with a few steps and I swing her about a bit, I don't particularly want to dance with her, I can't imagine any circumstance where I would find her attractive, but hey I'm HERE FOR FUN. But... then... she... does that thing where they like gyrate and hump on your leg {at this point, I am completely fucking terrified and I don't know what to do). The song ends and I turn my back to her and run away -- right into Janet.
I ask Janet if she can pretend like she likes me and stand between me and the ass-grabber, she says that she can do this (actually, she pulled me into her and put her head on my shoulder). Anyway, lots more dancing happens, a couple of times I am actually dancing with Janet and the first girl who kept checking me out and I'm trying to tell the girl - by interpretive dance - that I am dancing with this nice girl with the nose ring and the short black hair and the pretty blue eyes. It does not work.
In a bit of karmic hilarity, this chap who had been irritating Janet - sticking beers in her face and such - is captured by the ass-grabber mere moments later, I am completely amazed by this. I inform Janet that she can stop pretending to like me, she says she wasn't pretending, I give permission for her to continue liking me.
More dancing. The band stops making the dance-enabling sounds (they were fucking awesome tonight). Janet says that she is from Portland, Maine she's in visiting relatives and she's leaving for her brother's house that is somewhere else far in 30 minutes with her friend, all in the space of a couple minutes. It is a bit of a bummer, because she is pretty and there is lots of that chemistry shit going on and MAN COULD SHE DANCE. She says that when I asked her to pretend to like me, she was tempted to start making out with me, I say that would have been okay. She asks is I wanna make-out now, silly me, I think she is kidding and say sure. Janet kisses me, its cool. I tell her she's a cute girl, she tells me I'm a cute boy, I kiss her hand and she says she hopes we meet again one day. I leave the girl madness of TT the Bears behind and walk to Harvard where I will have to wait 55 minutes for the Nite Owl Bus.
It takes me for FUCKING ever to find the right bus stop, when I do, I shout my victory with my arms raised to the sky-- to the complete disinterest of a bored high-schoolish looking girl waiting for the bus. Her name is Sara, she's actually a Junior in College (I swear to fuck, I should not be allowed to guess ANYONE'S age -- unless it's like Me and Dooges approximate guesses where it's like "we think she is between 12 and 40"). After a while of sitting around trying to amuse ourselves (I'm reading, she's listening to music) Sara asks if I read out loud, I say not normally and ask if she wants me to start, she says yes, I realize that the book I'm reading "The Essence of Aikido" is very dry and partly in Japanese and I'm understanding only a third of it and really, it would be a disaster of miscomprehension for everyone involved if I tried to read it out loud. So, we decide to talk. Turns out, she's really fucking fun. She makes fun of me, she slaps me twice, she acts cute, asks me where my friends are (oh? I um, don't actually have any friends in the city -- besides Jacob, but really, I annexed him from my best friend, so that doesn't count).
By the end of the night I have spurned the advances of two separate girls, kissed a firecracker of a girl from Portland, and got off the Nite Owl Bus with a girl named Sara's phone number written on the back of my hand.
Somehow, I still miss the hell out of Leah. Thoughts of her are bitter and full of anger. Janet is swirling in my head, but its weird because I keep thinking her name is Jess and I keep thinking of my friend Jess who is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in real life, and I think that Sara sure was cute and fun but I know that will never be anything but man it would be so awesome if she wanted to just be friends cuz she was really funny and I wish I had more friends. I wish there was some way to capture the moment when Janet said she wanted to kiss me and turn it into a small candy treat that I could eat whenever I was glum. I wish that I could tell Leah that I'm gonna kiss pretty girls all summer and this would make her suddenly turn into everything I want her to be (the only part of this equation I can control is the "kiss pretty girls all summer" bit, this doesn't seem like a terribly bad plan).
Girls swirl in my head. It occurs to me that girls and physical attraction and kisses are such fucked-up and crazy things and all a boy can really do is try to do like the Stiff Little Fingers and Dr. Frankenfurter and Herman Hesse say: Live your fucking dreams, that's the only way they are going to happen! Live the dreams, try to be the greatest Jordan I can be and accept the happy and sad that's bound to come down the road.
I cant wait to get back home to Maine whenever that will be.
At least you got a number.. Ive been completely out of luck with women for a long time.
I just read that the Buzzcocks make you happy. For that reason alone I am honored to have you on my friends list.
Have fun here.