"Sometimes it's hard not to believe that I am getting some kind of karmic asskicking for something I've done, or that my name got pulled in some fucked up divine lottery where instead of getting 43 million dollars, you get constant reminders of what an impatient, pimply, profoundly flawed sack of enzymes you really are."
A quote from my friend in glorious Jamaica Plain of Boston, Lisa McC. Her brilliantly funny and insightful blog is here.
And that about sums up my fucked up life. I last posted in April. Now it is October. I don't know how much of this karmic ass-kicking I can take. How can I sum it up? Still looking for full-time work (I am temping). The IRS is after me. Matt's heart is doing fucked up things. We have no health insurance. We have one car. We have one income (mine). My much-loved cat of 14 years is dead. My temp position ends shortly and I have no idea what comes up next. The pressure of uncertainty is on me constantly and I find it very hard to give one fucking shit about anyone else's petty problems. Sound cynical? Try worrying about how the rent will be paid or if you will be confronted with a medical emergency. So this is what it is like to be my Mother....
I don't want to hear how much fucking shit I have to be grateful for. I already know these things. And I know how talented I am or how rich I should be via said fucking talent bleah bleah bleah. None if it will help me if I'm under a fucking bridge. Take all the paintings and shove 'em in the Everfuckinglgades for all I care.
I used to have 100% faith in myself to get through anything. I have gone through some serious shit in my life. I am one tenacious motherfucker. But right now I feel like Job. The thumb of God is upon me and he is wiping me from the face of the earth.
If I get through this, I will be damned fucking proud of it. I'll also remember who my real friends are.
That's it. I have to write this shit somewhere. And this is the only private account I have. I've got to get it out. I can't allow anger to stay inside where it will--and has started to--turned to hopelessness.
If anyone comments on this, please...no cheer ups or you'll get through this'. No pity or pithy. Tell me something that was the hardest thing you ever had to go through and how you got through it.
Next time I write I hope it's with something positive to say!!!!
A quote from my friend in glorious Jamaica Plain of Boston, Lisa McC. Her brilliantly funny and insightful blog is here.
And that about sums up my fucked up life. I last posted in April. Now it is October. I don't know how much of this karmic ass-kicking I can take. How can I sum it up? Still looking for full-time work (I am temping). The IRS is after me. Matt's heart is doing fucked up things. We have no health insurance. We have one car. We have one income (mine). My much-loved cat of 14 years is dead. My temp position ends shortly and I have no idea what comes up next. The pressure of uncertainty is on me constantly and I find it very hard to give one fucking shit about anyone else's petty problems. Sound cynical? Try worrying about how the rent will be paid or if you will be confronted with a medical emergency. So this is what it is like to be my Mother....
I don't want to hear how much fucking shit I have to be grateful for. I already know these things. And I know how talented I am or how rich I should be via said fucking talent bleah bleah bleah. None if it will help me if I'm under a fucking bridge. Take all the paintings and shove 'em in the Everfuckinglgades for all I care.
I used to have 100% faith in myself to get through anything. I have gone through some serious shit in my life. I am one tenacious motherfucker. But right now I feel like Job. The thumb of God is upon me and he is wiping me from the face of the earth.
If I get through this, I will be damned fucking proud of it. I'll also remember who my real friends are.
That's it. I have to write this shit somewhere. And this is the only private account I have. I've got to get it out. I can't allow anger to stay inside where it will--and has started to--turned to hopelessness.
If anyone comments on this, please...no cheer ups or you'll get through this'. No pity or pithy. Tell me something that was the hardest thing you ever had to go through and how you got through it.
Next time I write I hope it's with something positive to say!!!!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Update or msg me when you can.
Draggng sXe Jr. along to see Murphy's Law in Nashua tomorrow - "banned in Boston".
Last time I saw them was @ Sneakers/Escape on Salisbury Beach maybe 91 (?).
Did you ever go there?