Well a new year is upon us, and so far, it fuckin sucks!
I have moved out and i hate it. I miss my dogs,my cats, my house, the smells, hell I even miss my wife. At night I just cry, wondering why in the hell didn't I just talk to her, why didn't I be the bigger person and tell her i wasent happy, why did i just say fuck it and walk away. I lay in my bed every night and cry myself to sleep and just pray for death, but it never comes.
I can't even tell you the last time i was happy, the last time i had a good time with friends, the last time i was just me. I try to think postive, i really do, but when i look into my future, all i see is this empty black hole. Who would want a used up soon to be divorced man? I think maybe i can try to get my wife back, one part of me says do it, and another part says just move on. I sent her flowers to her work the other day and all i got back was a text msg saying thank you later that night. She tells me she still loves me, but she is still with her new bf. She even invited me to lunch today, which was ok i guess, sep for dickhead kept txt msgin her the whole time. Then she asked me if i could help her pick up a freezer from best buy, and i did. When we get back to her "our" house, i see all of "his" things in there now, his tv, his couch, his tooth brush, around my dogs, my cats,my fuckin wife.
What am i supposed to do? I can't even think straight anymore, all i do is drink by myself anymore in my new room. I hate it, i fuckin hate this life, i hate what i'e done. I got so many regreats.
So i thought , fuck it, ill try to move on, but i don't even have the balls to tell a girl i kinda like her, or ask her on a date. I just want to give up, I dont even see the light above me anymore, i am so far down in this hole. I just want close my eyes and fade to black.
This isent a cry for help from me, this is just shit that i have on my chest and dont have anyone to tell it to so i will write it in a blog.
I have moved out and i hate it. I miss my dogs,my cats, my house, the smells, hell I even miss my wife. At night I just cry, wondering why in the hell didn't I just talk to her, why didn't I be the bigger person and tell her i wasent happy, why did i just say fuck it and walk away. I lay in my bed every night and cry myself to sleep and just pray for death, but it never comes.
I can't even tell you the last time i was happy, the last time i had a good time with friends, the last time i was just me. I try to think postive, i really do, but when i look into my future, all i see is this empty black hole. Who would want a used up soon to be divorced man? I think maybe i can try to get my wife back, one part of me says do it, and another part says just move on. I sent her flowers to her work the other day and all i got back was a text msg saying thank you later that night. She tells me she still loves me, but she is still with her new bf. She even invited me to lunch today, which was ok i guess, sep for dickhead kept txt msgin her the whole time. Then she asked me if i could help her pick up a freezer from best buy, and i did. When we get back to her "our" house, i see all of "his" things in there now, his tv, his couch, his tooth brush, around my dogs, my cats,my fuckin wife.
What am i supposed to do? I can't even think straight anymore, all i do is drink by myself anymore in my new room. I hate it, i fuckin hate this life, i hate what i'e done. I got so many regreats.
So i thought , fuck it, ill try to move on, but i don't even have the balls to tell a girl i kinda like her, or ask her on a date. I just want to give up, I dont even see the light above me anymore, i am so far down in this hole. I just want close my eyes and fade to black.
This isent a cry for help from me, this is just shit that i have on my chest and dont have anyone to tell it to so i will write it in a blog.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
bettina:
I'm glad you like the pics I posted, thanks! I wish I could day something to cheer you up, all I can say is that eventually, it will hurt less. And then eventually, it won't really hurt at all. I'm reading a really good book called A Year To Live, and it has a big section on the importance of forgiveness, not just forgiving other people, but to forgive ourselves.
lightmeetsdark:
Glad to know that I have a potential reader! I started outlining some of the plot today. I'm getting excited! Hope that things are better for you and the new year is improving. 