borderlinegirl

for those of you that keep up with my fucked off life, here is a nice little update. as of monday, i have been suspended form my job until sunday morning. my dickhead coke freak asshole boss "let me" work tonight, which means they could not get my shift covered. i felt like i was going to puke the minute i walked into that place, i feel really alienated and nervous to be there. the rest of my time off, i have been drinking waaaaaayyyy too much beer and not eating. i want to eat, it's just that the thought of food makes me gag, i just want beer and water. my clothes are falling off, i look like shit. i don't know why this has gotten to me this much,i guess it is because i have always worked, and worked a lot. i like being able to spend money every now and then on something for myself, thank god i usually don't! i think my job situation has just made me feel out of control of my own fucking life, and i don't like having that decision made for me, especially by someone (my boss) that i have no respect for. my house is not clean, which is a big no-no for me, but i just don't care. i look at my precious doggie and am so thankful to have him. he knows i am upset, and has totally glommed on to me, but of course i don't mind. he is the one constant in my life. tired of giving so much of myself to stupid boys that lie to me and fuck me over, but i guess i am just a sucker for a cute boy. i just want someone to put me in my bed and tell me it will be okay and sleep next to me. that is so cheesy, i can't believe i even said it, but going from working 50 hours a week to having so much time alone, and no money to enjoy it is making me crazy. god, i am acting like a chick, this is seriously wrong p.s. tomorrow i shall lie in the sun so i can get cute tan lines and at least look like i am alive.........