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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were
being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there
anymore. This one was from Kingman, KS.


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter
for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg.


IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate
when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in
your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If
it was without my knowledge, how would I know? He smiled
knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in
Brimingham, Ala.


IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's
safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the
buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when
the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?!"She was a probation officer in
Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear
coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing,"
our manager commented cheerfully, this is fun. We should do
this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked
at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This
was a bunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her
power stripBack into itself and for the life of her couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with
the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.


IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an
automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told
the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to
unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced
to the technician, "it'sopen!" To which he rep lied, "I
know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford
dealership in Canton, Mississippi!

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that
you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen
nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve, was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the
girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking
it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar
code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue
to what had just happened.

THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I
inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a
credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this
remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think
they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery
to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the
car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,
"Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries.
It's a long walk."

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said,
"I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
"blank" copies.

SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich

SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call
from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys
have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the
truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine,
the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

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