booksartyoume

'sometimes i weep, slightly' timothy r gates, 5/02/08

Van Gogh,
Mulberry hues,
yes, tears filled my eyes
my profane Scot friend, Bill
whispered in my ear
(didn't know he was right behind me)
'You want to touch it don't you? Alive, it is.'
-i miss my profane friend.

Philadelphia, the movie,
scene after scene,
lovely sadness, a phrase i like for this
AIDS, love, death, prejudice, reconciliation
gay, not necessarily happy
happy, not necessarily gay
my princess says to me,
'Daddy, don't be such a girl!'
-of course she kisses my forehead
and smiles
(i notice her eyes filled too.)

Hank Williams Sr songs,
sitting in my Daddy's lap,
playing his pawn shop bought Gibson,
he made me think i played it
Hank died the year i was born
i almost died too, he'd remind me, six months preemie
(so often i prayed, 'Jesus, let me die,' after those lovely days.)
maybe my Daddy's eyes filled, i saw them
because he was at the theater, on that day, awaiting Hank's arrival, never came
because he loved playing his songs, singing them to me, and in bars
because he knew that he'd make me cry, soon
i did

Paul, Renee, Angela, Alissa, Brendan
their birthed day
two, one household
three, another household
five, held each other the day the two's Mother died
(hell yes, i did too, with and without them)
i sang for them, my Father's song, 'he stopped lovin' her today'
i sang with, as i drove, Staind's 'It's been a while'
they laughed, loud, when they heard of this
i laughed too

sometimes i weep, slightly
other times, i laugh, totally loudly till my stomach hurts
grateful for both
shit, my eyes just filled up.
ha.