Well, here it is - my first entry in this journal graciously provided by SG (sucking up shall be restrained from here on out). It's taken a while to write, but I leave a pretty mundane life. If it's any indication, I was thrilled when upon returning home from work I discovered that David Bowie's "Everyone Says Hi" had finished downloading.
While I was home the other day, my dad cleaned out on of his lock-boxes. Interesting stuff in there - property surveys (showing that the house and the one next to it were built in the wrong place), titles, and deeds to the house (stating that no family of race other than cuacasian could live there unless they were servants to the owner; honestly - that was written up in 1962), and old audio tapes.
My grandpa was a audio man. He loved anything that made sound, and he loved to record things. One of the tapes we found was from Christmas of 1976. The whole family was there: Mom, Dad, my brother and sisters, my grandma and Grandpa. I was still six years out. It was funny though. Even though it was Christmas, it wasn't all that unusual for the family to gather like that. It happened several times a week. That made me realize how much I missed by being born so late in the family's life.
By the time I came around, everyone was so much older. My oldest sister was in college when I was born, and I only have fuzzy recollections of my brother until I was about 9 because he went to college shortly after she did. The point is, I never got the family that I was part of. The grandparents were older, less active, less alive. They retreated to half of the bland brick duplex on the other side of town, rarely leaving. It stayed that way until they died. I have two specific memories of them.
Now on to the point of the ramblings - I'm jealous of rest of my family, and i never knew it. They got the good holidays, the family togetherness, the grandparents to spoil them. I got a few holidays with a couple of my sisters, I got the working mom, I got left behind. Not to say that I had a bad childhood. Being almost ten years younger than anyone else in the family makes it tough, though. I had no opportunity to build relationships with my siblings, and I don't like that. I've accepted it, though. It's tough to become a brother to a divorced woman nearing 40; to a man married and with four children. The only familial relationship I have is with my youngest sister, only nine years older than me. It tears me up when they talk about the great times they had together - the Christmas of 76es.
While I was home the other day, my dad cleaned out on of his lock-boxes. Interesting stuff in there - property surveys (showing that the house and the one next to it were built in the wrong place), titles, and deeds to the house (stating that no family of race other than cuacasian could live there unless they were servants to the owner; honestly - that was written up in 1962), and old audio tapes.
My grandpa was a audio man. He loved anything that made sound, and he loved to record things. One of the tapes we found was from Christmas of 1976. The whole family was there: Mom, Dad, my brother and sisters, my grandma and Grandpa. I was still six years out. It was funny though. Even though it was Christmas, it wasn't all that unusual for the family to gather like that. It happened several times a week. That made me realize how much I missed by being born so late in the family's life.
By the time I came around, everyone was so much older. My oldest sister was in college when I was born, and I only have fuzzy recollections of my brother until I was about 9 because he went to college shortly after she did. The point is, I never got the family that I was part of. The grandparents were older, less active, less alive. They retreated to half of the bland brick duplex on the other side of town, rarely leaving. It stayed that way until they died. I have two specific memories of them.
Now on to the point of the ramblings - I'm jealous of rest of my family, and i never knew it. They got the good holidays, the family togetherness, the grandparents to spoil them. I got a few holidays with a couple of my sisters, I got the working mom, I got left behind. Not to say that I had a bad childhood. Being almost ten years younger than anyone else in the family makes it tough, though. I had no opportunity to build relationships with my siblings, and I don't like that. I've accepted it, though. It's tough to become a brother to a divorced woman nearing 40; to a man married and with four children. The only familial relationship I have is with my youngest sister, only nine years older than me. It tears me up when they talk about the great times they had together - the Christmas of 76es.