boo1

::le sigh:: Hey everyone. I'm a depressed little critter. I guess its alotta shit, and nothing really depresses me moreso than others. I'm sick of going to see my husband. He's right, I guess, and so were my friends. My insecurities are fucking shit up. I cant stop wondering who he's fucking while I'm not around, who he's with when he's not with me, why he's even with me at all....I can't stop thinking about any of that shit. I just dont feel like doing this anymore. But as of right now I've got like....one friend other than him. Apparently one of my shit talking *friends* who ditched me when I decided to hang out with my husband is sorry he did what he did. But guess what. He can go fucking kill himself, I hope he still reads my journal entries, KILL YOURSELF. Why don't you finish my hydrocodones for me? I'm not sorry at all. I'm obviously depressed about the whole adoption thing. I'm getting tired of feeling her kick around. Its not fun anymore. Whats the point of even carrying her around in my stomach if I can't in real life. I know that this is the right choice for her. And please, I don't wanna hear any "keep the baby, you can do it!"....I AM NOT KEEPING HER. NO I CANNOT DO IT. I don't have the money....not for now, and not for the future. I cannot stay with my mom, not working for the rest of my life, and I dont have $$$ for daycare. And no, the govnt DOES NOT pay for daycare. Let me just say this: I hafta listen to my husband being upset that I'm not keeping her, when in all reality its his fault b/c he was too busy drinking and popping pills to take care of us. If any of you were in my situation, I wouldn't tell YOU what choice to make, and make you feel like a bad person, I would support your decision, even if it sucked. So I'd appreciate it if you could return the favor. I don't really know what else is depressing me. I can't remember. But I'm sure there's more. Or maybe there isnt. I'm starting to not even feel like writing these silly journals anymore. I've heard of girls being archived before their set even goes up...maybe I should follow this lovely trend of leaving SG. I wanna just pack up some shit and like...move to Maine. And just make new friends, and create a new life for myself and forget this one I have now. Maybe after the baby is born, I will. ::sighs:: I derno man....and I don't really care. Not anymore....

EDITTED TO SAY: I was just @ Barnes & Noble, and I was reading the Jenna Jameson book...and all I have to say is which one of you bitches is gonna buy me that damn book!??!?!! Please? Someone buy me that book......