bonsugar

Ok,
Diatribe for today - here goes:
An argument for open relationships.
1. I am a sexual creature. I derive immense pleasure from sexual contact, and every experience I've had has been different and unique in its own right depending on the person with whom I was, ahem, engaged . . . so to speak. I have had fast and furious fuck-me-now one night stands with a stranger, as well as soulful, weepy, 'god is in this moment' sex with someone I loved. And both are among the best sexual encounters I've had. So there, we've established that sexual encounters are desirable, they enrich one's life, and that their quality is not dependent on the depth or length of the relationship in question.
2. What about our human nature requires monogamy? Certainly in child-rearing it is simpler. . . and to fit comfortably into society, it is beneficial. But modern relationships are tainted by cheating, adultery, and lust for individuals other than one's partner. So why not revamp the system. Throw in this crazy notion that sex and love are nice things, and that engaging in them with more than one person doesn't have to be sinful.
3. If I care about someone, I want him to be happy, right? Do I expect that he will derive all his happiness from me? That I am the only person he will love or trust or want to be with? No, not really. I want him to have friends and lovers, if he chooses. I don't want them to take away from his love for me, but if he has an excess of loving energy, why not allow him to use it to enrich his life, and the lives of those around him (of course, in a safe, healthy way that does not result in the sharing of pathogenic germs or pregnancy).

Now, all of this said, it's fucking hard. And most of the time I hate it. But, it's been really good too. I've been in love with two people (with one of them for two years and the other for a year and a half), and I'm just twenty years old. So when I came to Scotland, I 'broke up' with my boyfriend of a year and started seeing other people. The breakup didn't stick, we remained really close, and I continued to see other people (and find this casual flirty sexuality that I'd never developed in my youth). I dated one guy for like a month, and it nearly broke my boyfriend's heart. We worked through it, though, and have a better understanding of our own relationship, our emotions, and our commitment to each other. And I really value that. . . I value how close we are now, and how open we've managed to be with each other. And I value the sexual experiences I've had in the time I've been here.
But so much of the time, I'm wondering if we're just breaking each other's hearts trying to make this work. I feel like it's some self-inflicted torture. And when we have conversations about it, I just want to swear off relationships altogether. . . and we had one of those yesterday, so I've been thinking about it a lot. . .
So yes, it's complicated and it's hard, and it requires a strong sense of realism and honesty. But in a lot of ways, I feel like it's worth it. And I feel like it's a healthy alternative to cheating.