Hi everyone, so I wanna talk a lil bit about this moment I am living right now. I am in a super anxious mood lately. Maybe I have to go back to the therapist.
I went to a therapist for almost 3 years of my life, and she helped me to accept who I am, to feel happier and be free. I worked on my childhood's trauma, and now they are not that heavy on my life anymore.
But this week, my teenager's trauma started heating, the ones I don't understand yet. I was thinking about how I dressed and act, and what could I do to be more like myself and I remembered about my teenager days when I started to dress emo, and listen to emocore and screamo. I remember how my mother was angry when she saw me acting that way. She started to fight with me cause she didn't wanted me dressing in all black, and using those huge bangs above my eye.
I remember one day specially when she slapped me in the face, because I was wearing the stuff I liked to wear, and another day when she took me to the hairdresser and payed for they to cut my bangs like "normal" ones. Girly ones.
So I kind of slipt. I totally forget about that girl, I hide my "emoself" and started showing interest in pin up girls. Cause I could not be who I wanted, and I was not rebel enough to fight for it.
Today, I am a grown up woman, my own fucking boss, my boyfriend is supportive, I have those spaces like here on SGland where I feel safe to be myself, and I am starting to work on incorporating all those parts of me that I had splitted and buried deep down on my subconscious.
It is complicated to dig that deep on my own mind, and to remind those painful moments, but I feel bold, courageous, and strong enough to do so, and to work on putting all the pieces together.
That makes me anxious as fuck, but also very very happy.
And I want to thank you guys for helping me feel like I belong somewhere, here!
@missy, @rambo, @lemon, @yessybear, @jacqueline
