You know what i realised last night? I realised that i've been through my fair share of bullshit. I always thought that i was untouched by life things happening while i watched everyone else become heartbroken and disillusioned by the experiences happening around them.
Then last night, i realised that what happened to everyone else had happened to me and for some reason...i hadn't realised it. I had grown and changed and lived from these experiences without noticing. Is this normal? Am i different not because of experiencing like everyone else but because i just didnt notice?
My mum and i never got along until 4 months ago. We fought, i hated her, you know...mums and daughter stuff. In 2001 she had a stroke and to this day she's partially blind from it. It didnt affect me. I mean, i was sad but i just kept going because i knew i had to. I took her to her appointments and helped her and the only time i cried was when i first saw her in the hospital as i was leaving with my dad.
I was heavily into drinking in my final year of (like everyone experiences in their teenage years) with my best friend of the time. When i first saw the movie Thirteen, i was frightened because it reflected my past. Ive only seen it once and i would like to again but im not sure if i could.
My best friend in 2002 told me she didnt want to be my friend anymore because of whatever reason i to this day have never found out. Her mum who i thought i was always close to "wondered out loud" if the reason why i was finding to get over was because maybe i had a crush or was in love with her. Gee, you know...maybe thats true. Or maybe its the fact that my best friend just cut me out of her life with no explanation. What do you think?
A few years back, i met this guy at my work. He was a customer and constantly came in. We had the same interests the same sense of humour and yeah. He broke up with his girlfriend and we hung out all the time. One night i went over to his place and we hooked up. He was the first guy i had ever officilly been involved with that way. No sex but still it was awesome at the time. He knew how into him i was. I was in love with this guy as much as i could be. He flirted with me, he sent out all the signals and i fell for them. A few days after this all happened (during which i hardly heard from him, clue number one...you would think) we talked and he told me "he just wasnt ready for this type of thing." He was going through shit and it wouldnt be fair to pull me into it. Blah. Blah. Blah. At the time, i was fine. A month down the track...i cracked. I started drinking more and yeah. I was not in a nice happy place.
Then i fell in love for real. Two years later i met this guy and the moment i laid eyes on him i knew for a reason he was going to play an important role. I knew he liked me. Every time i looked up over at him, he was looking at me. It was so cute. And you know what? It felt so damn good. There was only one problem. My best friend had had a serious crush on this guy for the past 2 years and i had known all about it. Everyday somthing had happened at tafe, i would hear about it over the phone that night.
But i wasnt going to give up what i thought was something special. So, after we both told each other how we felt about each other...i told her. And our relationship has never fully recovered. She still blames me. She still holds grudges against me. I fully understand but it happened nearly two years ago now and it's starting to get very hard. I love her to death but constantly being blamed for a big turn in your best friends life where you are constanly reminded that you hurt her isnt a nice thing and it needs to stop. All out friends turned against me. They called me the slut, the bitch, the whore. This one girl who apparently had a thing for me used it as canon fodder. We hooked up a couple of times in the past but i thought there was nothing in it. I asked her if she felt the same and she said yes. But then, i found out she lied and then who was the enemy? Me. I was the bad guy. She used this to get her revenge on me.
But of course, now we're all friends again after they saw how happy me and my boy were.
Last night, i was talking with my bestest telling her how i still havent gotten over the best friend cutting me out of her life thing. And she got her stuff, got out of the car and said "Seeya dude...i'll talk to you next week". I know we've been through everything a million times or more but you kinda expect a little more from your best friend.
So thats my life. I apologise for this history lesson but it needed to come out.
Rock on everybody
XX00
Then last night, i realised that what happened to everyone else had happened to me and for some reason...i hadn't realised it. I had grown and changed and lived from these experiences without noticing. Is this normal? Am i different not because of experiencing like everyone else but because i just didnt notice?
My mum and i never got along until 4 months ago. We fought, i hated her, you know...mums and daughter stuff. In 2001 she had a stroke and to this day she's partially blind from it. It didnt affect me. I mean, i was sad but i just kept going because i knew i had to. I took her to her appointments and helped her and the only time i cried was when i first saw her in the hospital as i was leaving with my dad.
I was heavily into drinking in my final year of (like everyone experiences in their teenage years) with my best friend of the time. When i first saw the movie Thirteen, i was frightened because it reflected my past. Ive only seen it once and i would like to again but im not sure if i could.
My best friend in 2002 told me she didnt want to be my friend anymore because of whatever reason i to this day have never found out. Her mum who i thought i was always close to "wondered out loud" if the reason why i was finding to get over was because maybe i had a crush or was in love with her. Gee, you know...maybe thats true. Or maybe its the fact that my best friend just cut me out of her life with no explanation. What do you think?
A few years back, i met this guy at my work. He was a customer and constantly came in. We had the same interests the same sense of humour and yeah. He broke up with his girlfriend and we hung out all the time. One night i went over to his place and we hooked up. He was the first guy i had ever officilly been involved with that way. No sex but still it was awesome at the time. He knew how into him i was. I was in love with this guy as much as i could be. He flirted with me, he sent out all the signals and i fell for them. A few days after this all happened (during which i hardly heard from him, clue number one...you would think) we talked and he told me "he just wasnt ready for this type of thing." He was going through shit and it wouldnt be fair to pull me into it. Blah. Blah. Blah. At the time, i was fine. A month down the track...i cracked. I started drinking more and yeah. I was not in a nice happy place.
Then i fell in love for real. Two years later i met this guy and the moment i laid eyes on him i knew for a reason he was going to play an important role. I knew he liked me. Every time i looked up over at him, he was looking at me. It was so cute. And you know what? It felt so damn good. There was only one problem. My best friend had had a serious crush on this guy for the past 2 years and i had known all about it. Everyday somthing had happened at tafe, i would hear about it over the phone that night.
But i wasnt going to give up what i thought was something special. So, after we both told each other how we felt about each other...i told her. And our relationship has never fully recovered. She still blames me. She still holds grudges against me. I fully understand but it happened nearly two years ago now and it's starting to get very hard. I love her to death but constantly being blamed for a big turn in your best friends life where you are constanly reminded that you hurt her isnt a nice thing and it needs to stop. All out friends turned against me. They called me the slut, the bitch, the whore. This one girl who apparently had a thing for me used it as canon fodder. We hooked up a couple of times in the past but i thought there was nothing in it. I asked her if she felt the same and she said yes. But then, i found out she lied and then who was the enemy? Me. I was the bad guy. She used this to get her revenge on me.
But of course, now we're all friends again after they saw how happy me and my boy were.
Last night, i was talking with my bestest telling her how i still havent gotten over the best friend cutting me out of her life thing. And she got her stuff, got out of the car and said "Seeya dude...i'll talk to you next week". I know we've been through everything a million times or more but you kinda expect a little more from your best friend.
So thats my life. I apologise for this history lesson but it needed to come out.
Rock on everybody
XX00
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
only since january?
how's it all been?
cara has been in bristol since july 2003.
but the visa's out soon, so
as soon as yr over there, the air travel is dirt cheap. ryan air and easyjet especially.