Is anyone on this planet a perfect person?
I think not.
My best friend and i (not share anyone actually knows the history/saga i've had with this person) have been through enough to make what you think would be a strong relationship. Alas, it is completly the opposite. For this blog i shall choose to refer to her as BFA
When i broke up with Nick, my heat was shattered as most of you know. Now, in this weird and new state of mind i pashed a few of my friends and ended up sleeping with one of them. I choose to keep it to myself from everyone but my other best friend who wasnt associated with this current group of friends because i had already had a nasty experience with friends in the circle telling Nick all my new stories. Unfortunatly i betrayed myself and spilled my secrets to two of my closet male friends.
The first chose to claim that i knew "guy i had slept with" wasn't gay because *raised eyebrows* in front of a group of mates including BFA. Although i am not proud and admit i should have owned up but i managed to pass it off that we had just pashed at a club. Her reaction was by some standard as slightly over the top but that's just my opinion. To me, if my best friend chose not to tell me something there would have been a good reason behind it and i would trust her on that. So moving on from that and i find out that the second friend i told began a whole conversation with her about it at a party when i wasnt there so i then assumed that since she hadnt bought it up with me, she knew thats how i wanted it to stay and was keeping it that way.
After being away from social activities all weekend, she calls me tonight asking if i'm free and she wants to come over and talk. And it wasnt in a "look, you fucked up but we're friends and can tak about this", it was a "im really disappointed in you and you'r like a little child" way.
Im figuring she found out i slept with this guy and is pissed i didnt tell her. Which admittedly, i admit i am sorry about. But i have my reasons and i would never ever do something to intentionally hurt her, which im hoping she should know.
So, i've thought long and hard about why i chose not to tell her and since i think better if i write it out - here it is:
Firstly, i didnt want anyone to know because i figure everyone is entitled to their own little secret. But i told two friends so that went out the window and i admit, im annoyed at myself.
Secondly - Her reaction when i told her we had kissed was really unexpected. She cried, yelled and was really angry that i hadn't told her. It really put me off telling her the whole truth, i thought best mates where supposed to be compassionate and understanding?
Thirdly - I had just broken up with nick and was in a really vulnerable and weird place and the attention felt good. Especilly coming from a relationship where my boyfriend told me i was chubby/smelt bad and not attractive to someone telling me i'm really hot and sexy, forgive me for being shallow but it felt fantastic. BFA has a habit of making fun and jokes of people's experiences and if i had told her that it would have turned into a big joke. I was still far too vulnerable to have something like that made fun of, especially by my best mate. Once i tried to ask her not to make fun of me with some things because it really hurt my feelings. To which her reply was I need to get a thicker skin because my family has molly coddled me my whole life and i cant take an insult.
See, i can take an insult but if someone asked me to stop giving them shit about something, i would stop. Especilly my best mate.
I think partly the reason i didnt talk to her either is because ever since i came back from overseas there has been this huge wall between us and it's almost like she thinks she's more advanced in the ways of the world and i'm just a small child who needs to be punished when ive done something wrong. Were definitely not equal and i know its not on my side.
I'm so totally confused.
Congrats to whoever got through all of that.
I'll post about what happens tomorrow.
(scuse the spelling
)
I think not.
My best friend and i (not share anyone actually knows the history/saga i've had with this person) have been through enough to make what you think would be a strong relationship. Alas, it is completly the opposite. For this blog i shall choose to refer to her as BFA
When i broke up with Nick, my heat was shattered as most of you know. Now, in this weird and new state of mind i pashed a few of my friends and ended up sleeping with one of them. I choose to keep it to myself from everyone but my other best friend who wasnt associated with this current group of friends because i had already had a nasty experience with friends in the circle telling Nick all my new stories. Unfortunatly i betrayed myself and spilled my secrets to two of my closet male friends.
The first chose to claim that i knew "guy i had slept with" wasn't gay because *raised eyebrows* in front of a group of mates including BFA. Although i am not proud and admit i should have owned up but i managed to pass it off that we had just pashed at a club. Her reaction was by some standard as slightly over the top but that's just my opinion. To me, if my best friend chose not to tell me something there would have been a good reason behind it and i would trust her on that. So moving on from that and i find out that the second friend i told began a whole conversation with her about it at a party when i wasnt there so i then assumed that since she hadnt bought it up with me, she knew thats how i wanted it to stay and was keeping it that way.
After being away from social activities all weekend, she calls me tonight asking if i'm free and she wants to come over and talk. And it wasnt in a "look, you fucked up but we're friends and can tak about this", it was a "im really disappointed in you and you'r like a little child" way.
Im figuring she found out i slept with this guy and is pissed i didnt tell her. Which admittedly, i admit i am sorry about. But i have my reasons and i would never ever do something to intentionally hurt her, which im hoping she should know.
So, i've thought long and hard about why i chose not to tell her and since i think better if i write it out - here it is:
Firstly, i didnt want anyone to know because i figure everyone is entitled to their own little secret. But i told two friends so that went out the window and i admit, im annoyed at myself.
Secondly - Her reaction when i told her we had kissed was really unexpected. She cried, yelled and was really angry that i hadn't told her. It really put me off telling her the whole truth, i thought best mates where supposed to be compassionate and understanding?
Thirdly - I had just broken up with nick and was in a really vulnerable and weird place and the attention felt good. Especilly coming from a relationship where my boyfriend told me i was chubby/smelt bad and not attractive to someone telling me i'm really hot and sexy, forgive me for being shallow but it felt fantastic. BFA has a habit of making fun and jokes of people's experiences and if i had told her that it would have turned into a big joke. I was still far too vulnerable to have something like that made fun of, especially by my best mate. Once i tried to ask her not to make fun of me with some things because it really hurt my feelings. To which her reply was I need to get a thicker skin because my family has molly coddled me my whole life and i cant take an insult.
See, i can take an insult but if someone asked me to stop giving them shit about something, i would stop. Especilly my best mate.
I think partly the reason i didnt talk to her either is because ever since i came back from overseas there has been this huge wall between us and it's almost like she thinks she's more advanced in the ways of the world and i'm just a small child who needs to be punished when ive done something wrong. Were definitely not equal and i know its not on my side.
I'm so totally confused.
Congrats to whoever got through all of that.
I'll post about what happens tomorrow.
(scuse the spelling
)
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
nevynii:
I am not perfect. ummm can I friend you? we met once at the oostende back in january ( or was it february I forget)
xtlbx:
I guess I see life abit differently than others Bonnie, not neccesarily better just different. To me your friend getting upset about this is just unreasonable. sometimes secrets eat away at you and you end up cracking, by telling someone who does not mean a great deal to you, but at the time you just felt right about getting it out of your system. I hope you friend can see past this.