bones_708

I feel like I'm getting old. For the longest time I never seemed to make much headway in growing up. It felt like I was going to stay a kid forever. The last few years I've been feeling like anything but a kid. One of the big things is how long it takes me to bounce back from a relationship. When I was 19 it took just days to fall in love and hardly longer to get over someone. Now I'm guarded and won't let myself feel to much to soon. When it's over it seems to take longer and longer to move on. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around pining or anything. I just don't get out and try for anything. I just sit around and wait instead of looking for someone. I won't bitch and say how bad my last relationship was. She was a great girl, but we just didn't work.

I didn't let it get bad.
I'm not going to have the drama.
I'm not doing that.
I won't let it happen.

Maybe that's part of the problem.

Anyway

It's been a long time since I've really been out there. I'm no hermit, I go out, go drinking, hang out with friends, ect. I'm talking about being open to finding someone and not just getting laid, tho of course I don't mind that. After every time I "take a break" it just seems to take longer to get back into it and harder to start trying. I'm ready now even if I don't really know where to start. I don't want to date anyone I work with or that I meet on the job. I won't pickup girls at bars. I don't go to topless bars anymore (for some reason I used to do pretty well with dancers). So I'm not sure where that leaves me. The life I've chosen has never been about money or status so I'm not where I "should" be for my age. I also am pretty straight and boring for the most part, no drugs and such, so that limits my options to some. I need to start meeting people and open myself up (no rush or anything) but I'm no longer sure how, or maybe where is more accurate.

Fuck it.