OK- I was going to post this on Xanga... but then I thought better of it because it's sounds really cocky and the people that I am bitching about in this entry might read it. So I am posting it here. It can't really be understood if you don't know me... but I just HAD to post it!!! Even if only strangers will read it!! I don't know why! So anyway, here's my angsty music bashing post.
aghhh... Concerto is tonite and I am worried sick about Justin. His song is so fucking tough. It's a level 5 or 6 piece. It's over 6 minutes long. He has worked hard, (he didn't practice enough over Christmas break, but hey, I practiced a bunch and sucked it up at MTNA)
Speaking of which, I am trying to decide if I want to do MTNA next year or not. Justin and I are going to have to figure out which one of us wants to do it. I want him to because I know he will be able to progress and go to regionals, but at the same time, I want to do it because I think I learned a lot and will be able to put together an amazing program and maybe, just maybe, get farther than I did this year.
I have to practice more. NSU's music program makes me sick. Really. It makes me more sad than sick, I guess. Yesterday after the solo class, and went to Justin's and balled for about an hour. All out sobs. Because I am so tired of it all.
Very little music is going on at NSU right now. Actually, there is nothing even REMOTELY musical going on at NSU. There are no horns, no trombones, no oboes. But really, do horns, trombones and oboes even matter?
What is happening here is against everything that I believe music is. And yet I am still at NSU. It's so weird. Most of the good musicians at NSU have simply stopped caring.
"Boy, we/they were out of tune." "Who cares?"
"We should work on this." "Who cares?"
"I can't hear the music, let alone hear myself think in all the ensembles now." "Who cares?"
For some reason, it never ceases to bug me! Why? Why can't I just stop? If I ever do stop beating my head against a wall about all this, will it be all of a sudden? Or will it be just an accumulation of bullshit until I can't even hear those that overplay, oversing, overbrag, don't care about intonation etc.
I wish it would just happen.
Justin or I will do MTNA next year. And I believe (despite the little thing in my head that always says "you are no good") that he or I will, without a doubt, beat any other brass player from NSU/SD. And I don't care if that pisses anyone off because it's the truth. I am a musician. Please do not get angry just because you never will be.
Ok. There it was. Really, I'm not cocky. I promise. But sometimes, I get so tired of being like "hey, this is out of tune.... buuut it's probably me." "Hey, those sixteenths need to be worked on. I played them horribly." "Hey, make those lower notes solid. Let's try that again. It was probably my fault."
GODDAMNIT IT"S NOT MY FAULT!!
*phew* sorry. I think I am going to erase this entry after a while. sorry.
aghhh... Concerto is tonite and I am worried sick about Justin. His song is so fucking tough. It's a level 5 or 6 piece. It's over 6 minutes long. He has worked hard, (he didn't practice enough over Christmas break, but hey, I practiced a bunch and sucked it up at MTNA)
Speaking of which, I am trying to decide if I want to do MTNA next year or not. Justin and I are going to have to figure out which one of us wants to do it. I want him to because I know he will be able to progress and go to regionals, but at the same time, I want to do it because I think I learned a lot and will be able to put together an amazing program and maybe, just maybe, get farther than I did this year.
I have to practice more. NSU's music program makes me sick. Really. It makes me more sad than sick, I guess. Yesterday after the solo class, and went to Justin's and balled for about an hour. All out sobs. Because I am so tired of it all.
Very little music is going on at NSU right now. Actually, there is nothing even REMOTELY musical going on at NSU. There are no horns, no trombones, no oboes. But really, do horns, trombones and oboes even matter?
What is happening here is against everything that I believe music is. And yet I am still at NSU. It's so weird. Most of the good musicians at NSU have simply stopped caring.
"Boy, we/they were out of tune." "Who cares?"
"We should work on this." "Who cares?"
"I can't hear the music, let alone hear myself think in all the ensembles now." "Who cares?"
For some reason, it never ceases to bug me! Why? Why can't I just stop? If I ever do stop beating my head against a wall about all this, will it be all of a sudden? Or will it be just an accumulation of bullshit until I can't even hear those that overplay, oversing, overbrag, don't care about intonation etc.
I wish it would just happen.
Justin or I will do MTNA next year. And I believe (despite the little thing in my head that always says "you are no good") that he or I will, without a doubt, beat any other brass player from NSU/SD. And I don't care if that pisses anyone off because it's the truth. I am a musician. Please do not get angry just because you never will be.
Ok. There it was. Really, I'm not cocky. I promise. But sometimes, I get so tired of being like "hey, this is out of tune.... buuut it's probably me." "Hey, those sixteenths need to be worked on. I played them horribly." "Hey, make those lower notes solid. Let's try that again. It was probably my fault."
GODDAMNIT IT"S NOT MY FAULT!!
*phew* sorry. I think I am going to erase this entry after a while. sorry.
I've thought about grad school. I've also thought about putting down my trombone and doing something completely non-music related. If I did go to grad school I'd probably stay in Canada just because there is no way I could afford American tuition. What you guys pay is craaaazy.