bohogirl

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
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What is it about my car that attracts large vehicles to it?
Really?

Last night, as I'm saying my final goodbyes and making sure the last of not-so-sober people have rides/cabs, a very drunk chick in a huge jacked-up Dodge Ram backed right into it, completely obliverating my front passenger side.
At least I wasn't in the car this time... but watching it happen and not being able to do anything about it put me right back into 'that' place.
Seven months ago (minus two days), I sat in my car, watching a speeding cement truck approach (and proceed to pummel right into and over me). There was nothing I could do about it... but sit and watch.
Never before in my life have I felt completely and utterly helpless... and it really played a number on me (physical injuries aside, the psychological aftermath of it has been... well, it's been and is... very rough, I guess).
And last night, as I watched her hit my car, it brought it all back. Months of therapy...
Yeah... whatever. I'll get over it. But right now... it's just really hard.

But... I guess it was pretty funny to the observers. I was talking, and then, in a middle of a sentence, as if I somehow felt it, I turned around, took a few steps and did something with my arms that was apparently supposed to stop it from happening. And after she hit it... I turned back around, tilted my head and said in a very child-like voice 'My car?'. Then I just sat down and looked around in total daze.
Total regression, I guess. My bouncer-friends were cracking up - apparently, when I turned back around, I was no longer 29, but looked like a little child playing dress-up in her mom's clothes.

Oh well... it's just a car.
I just wish it didn't put me right back into that bad, unsafe, helpless place that I worked so hard to get out of over the last few months. Damn it, it's only been a few weeks that I stopped having panic attacks, in driving and from flashbacks.

Ah... in other news...
OK, I'll have to come back to that because right now, I can't really think straight... and I need to go to acupuncture... except that I can't handle driving right now (or even looking at my car), so I have to figure something out.
But...
If you haven't had a chance to check out the list of Bush's Accomplishments, you can find it here.
So far, nobody has asked for the list that attempts to refute all those facts, but, as I said, in the interest of fairness, the offer still stands. If you want to see it, just ask (e-mail me if you feel uncomfortable asking in the comments).
Again, in case you missed it, it's right here
Bush's Accomplishments.

Have a wonderful Monday everyone