Wednesday Nov 16, 2011

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My brain is all over the map today (tonight). Insane day at work - nothing bad happened, just SO much going on. It's all worth it in the end, it's just a bit of a slog to get there.

I spent some time looking at retirement (I am aiming for 55 - though that is going to be hard as hell to hit) - I want to buy a house, then fix it up. Yay for being handy! I would *love* to use my hobby-skills to really make a house shine. hand-forged railings, hand made furniture, long-term eco friendly designs...
AND, travel to places I can't pronounce. Fuck.Yeah.

Also, this site occupies my thoughts a lot. Seems that I am missing something in my life that SG provides. An outlet maybe? People are themselves here, without fear of judgement. I play a role at work, then at home...and neither is truly me. How to fix that? no fucking idea.

sunspun:
I love your dreams for the future. If I had the balls to dream I think mine would be similar- except for me, work in the home involves cooking, growing my own food, fostering animals, writing... Things like that. Domesticity is good for my soul. But I also crave new experiences and so getting out of town would be important. Gosh, now I am feeling all wistful...

You know, I am not sure that I am any more authentically myself here than I am in the rest of my life- I feel like the way I am here is a reaction to reality, it's responsive to how things are going for me and where I'm at. Sometimes it's just a little self indulgence, and not always the good kind. I would like to think that I am not at core as obsessed with myself as I may seem to be here, in writing. Perhaps living a life so utterly devoted to caring for others leaves me with this need for self-centeredness. Either way, bob, I am glad you have this place and it's working for you. You always struck me as a guy who could use an excuse to unwind. wink And, as I'm sure you know, sharing this space with you has been delightful for me. You bring the eroticism to the sex.

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