Settle in folks and I’ll tell you a tale.
Of a website.
16 years ago this month.
It was a great month.
So have a look at these wonderful sets.
And marvel at how great they look after all these years.
Everything’s Dead In Hollywood with all these strikes.
But America’s film industry started churning out primarily shit around 1990.
And the stream of remakes—the product of anemic imaginations—has been unremitting the past 30+ years.
But Suicide Girls knows how to grab my attention.
And it’s these HOPEFULS who WANT IT!
Passion.
Desire.
Tits.
Kudos to @kattiliansuicide for the set linked above.
I could lament that she never went pink.
But then we come to @derry in Ahoy Shipmates .
She didn’t make it either.
Great photography.
Superb poise in posing.
Knowing.
Practiced.
But they had to compete against stuff like Test Tube by @kobalt .
And that’s pretty-damn hard to beat.
Plus, the Hopefuls had to beat Stencils by @mason —pushing her boobs together so lascivious…
But still they came a-comin’!
The Hopefuls.
Like @ariadne202879 in Dark Days .
Best nipple close-up I seen in awhile.
Little bumps of braille…
So delicate.
Poetic.
Fantastic little jugs on @hera in Tunnel of Love .
A perfect size.
Sighing.
Weeping.
Make love to the camera.
Moxie.
Roxy Music.
Strutting @angi in Blonde Army .
Confidence.
Facial expressions.
Like a silent film star.
Bazooka teats on @kiiara in Leather and Curves .
Five likes away from 1k.
She didn’t make it.
You only miss when you give up on your dream.
Is it your dream?
What is your dream?
Don’t matter how old you are.
As hot as a straw in a Warhol Coca-Cola bottle.
Sexy hourglass lipstick of @synthetique in Light as a Fether [sic].
And the same day—@eliska …hangin’ like mangoes.
Cantaloupes.
Weighty.
And she makes SG history (far as I member) with a tattoo inside her bottom lip in Professional Woman .
“Bitch”.
Sexy.
To potlatch.
Like a pierced dimple.
Fucked-up.
Some gal lookin’ like Marilyn Monroe and she puts a pinch of ink between her cheek and gum.
[ping!]
James Joyce cuspidors us along.
Barriers to entry:
@sinnah in Ptit Biscuit .
Gonna make it hard to outflank their flank.
Gotta drive a steak through a vampire’s heart.
Medium-rare.
But as long as the opportunity is there, the Hopefuls keep coming—keep hitting the wire.
Last gasp of, “here’s my set”.
Like the beehive on @cocanut977754 in Cocanut Off Work 1943 .
Couple years of war left till this thing’s over.
Life goes on.
Somewhere.
And perfection pops up.
Like a landmine that reattaches your legs.
Talkin’ ‘bout @brett in Eve .
And since we hasn’t focused a photographer in whiles, shouting the work of @brooklyn .
Shadow and light.
Chiaroscuro night.
Bodacious boobs in Linen by @jayjay .
But something was off-kilter.
And pink she did not become.
But sometimes genius is not recognized.
Such as in the exquisite Green Envy by @katinka .
How on earth did this get such a lukewarm response?!?
It boggles the mind.
It befuddles.
Sometimes you just gotta embrace the suck.
Soak up the shitty neighborhood you (I) live in.
Like Borat in a mankini.
Grey skies for @loris in Cloud Bathing .
The genius of working with what you have.
Lo-fi.
…is the mother of invention.
Necessity.
It’s punk rock.
Get close to the camera.
Like @metric in Summer Sailing .
Doesn’t hurt to have breasts right out of the best literature and galleries.
Deceptacon.
Camden.
Town.
I haven’t focused on any of the amazing black models on SG.
Till now.
Meet @mika2 who glowed and showed that black is beautiful in Unlaced .
Wonderful photographic approach in this one.
Which Hopeful has the best name?
I think @psychosis has to be in the running.
Observe her cinematic genius in The King .
Sadly, this set did not propel her to stardom.
Another perfect lady (@salita )—another perfect set (Orange Chop).
And somehow it wasn’t enough.
Queue up the balls.
And stop laughing.
i HEARD you snookering beneath your breath.
Pulling your Scotland Yard-type mac up over your chin to giggle.
Don’t graze the table unless you are @meow in Felt .
Nice rack!
Triangular.
Billiards.
Vagina in the corner pocket.
The original Suicide Girls had ATTITUDE that OOZED from their sets.
A throwback to those grrrls was @kimika in Red Armchair .
It’s sexy.
To be daring.
To be original.
THAT is why people come to SG.
They want to see ORIGINAL girls.
UNIQUE girls.
Gals with STYLE.
Each with a style all their own.
Unicorns.
Peacocks.
Embrace South America
Embrace Chile.
Embrace @licanray in Spiders .
Are those real arachnids?
Or candy?
I can’t tell.
Looking at every set from the first six years of SG has rendered me legally-blind.
And though I know it’s not Chilean, throw on some Yma Sumac and enjoy the above set.
And pour a drink for Victor Jara.
Enough sadness.
Don’t underestimate sea-foam green.
Mint.
Cool.
I love short hair on women.
Even a buzz cut.
Sexy as hell.
But equally the bob.
Flapper.
Bauhaus sharp.
Louise Brooks.
Dig on @sweetness in Kitten Eyes .
Ashes and diamonds.
Arkadin.
Looking through the chain-link filigree at a mosque.
God loves cinematography.
Too many times I have passed over @blyss .
But not today.
Gaze upon her bronzed, sculpted perfection.
A river of gold.
Flowing lava in Canyon .
Painted desert.
Hollywood strike.
Can’t take the heat.
Gotta get out of Hell’s Kitchen (Phoenix).
For all the Luciferians, I give you @coley in Fallen Angel .
Effective theatrics.
I was a bit too dense at first.
Didn’t “get” this set.
Then it clicked.
And I applauded the play.
Was a genius move considering how angelic Coley is.
And observe her acting from beginning to end.
Facial expressions are the secret weapon of SG sets.
Get naked.
Sure.
Of course.
But CONVEY something.
You gotta hack the minds of your viewers.
Look at what everybody’s doing.
Now do the opposite.
Congratulations.
You made something significant.
Unique.
Brave.
Getting naked is scary.
Maybe have an adult beverage.
Observe how @mj24 appears to loosen up over the course of Cocktail in Green and Black .
Are you prepared for everything to go right?
WHAT IF your wildest dreams come true??
One after another.
Boom boom boom boom.
Hellhound on my trail.
Until @misspandora652488 pulls up in Cemetery and Sundown .
Titties for days.
Cupped melons.
Melon baller.
Small town vibe on this one.
Watermelon thump.
Salt on watermelon.
Getting naked in the cemetery.
In watermelon sugar.
Bedside table.
Stay red!
It’s @cecilia in Amsterdam .
Mr. Vermeer, I’m ready for my close-up.
Hollywood strike?!?
What Hollywood strike???
Heat?
Hot?
Not if you gaze upon ice cream lady Cecilia.
Cool white.
Stripping from black.
Peel slowly and see.
Perfection.
Two sets in a row.
And the booms just kept on coming.
Stay red.
Check @avalon99 in Equestrian .
Chestnut mare.
Weird tale.
Tail.
Mayor of tail.
Marquis de Sade would be proud.
Happy.
Sated.
With @loire in Home Alone with Marquis de Sade .
Stay red, motherfucker.
Full-frontal for just one frame.
Effective.
Two more.
Booms over.
Great month.
Two-set warning.
Looking goddamned beautiful in Outside Influence is @friskey .
Aristide Maillol wants to sculpt her perfect belly.
Bellybutton.
Perfect curves.
Soft and hard.
No bodybuilders.
Taut.
Make an impression.
Suction forms a vacuum.
Laying down on the sweaty floor.
A perfect lady, Friskey.
What a stellar set.
Not so much the absinthe as the living alone.
Remember, if no one’s reading, then there’s no pressure.
Rebrand.
For the ass men: Cooling Off by @dixy .
Oh, my pregnant head!
—Pauly Deathwish