bob_dobalina

while the new dating profile thing is a fun diversion and feeds my ravenous mouse-clicking compulsion (mmm.. compulsion), it got me thinking about what i want in a partner or relationship. it was then that i realized that i haven't been involved in a relationship in about four years. it was striking how i could disregard something like commitment or love for months or years on end but when the realization hit, i got some serious pause.

self-reflection's strength and weakness is that it is multifaceted. on the one hand, there's never a shortage of angles from which perspective can be gained. on the other, how the hell can those angles be stratified or prioritized. i don't even know where to start. maybe i'm too introverted and aloof. perhaps i'm apathetic and satisfied with having flings and booty calls. or maybe the problem ain't with me and its all these psycho bitches that i meet. it could be that i'm arrogant and abrasive and that certain aspects of my profession casts doubt on my character. who the hell would want to be known as mrs. porn defender? smokes too much pot? too prone to errors in fashion? refuses to consider alternate activities when the lakers or redskins are playing?

maybe i've been one unlucky motherfucker the past few years and circumstances prevented me from following up with miss pennsylvania, casey in oahu, or that girl from the airplane that liked animal crackers and lemonade just like me. you know, those rare moments of synergy that makes you cock your head and wonder if they really meant what they said and then wonder if it is just a passing fancy or something substantial. but claiming 'unlucky motherfucker' sounds kinda pathetic and repentant and i refuse to be considered either. i'm the fuckin master of my universe and king kong, gargamel, and skeletor ain't got shit on me.

what is it that i want from but didn't see in the females i've been seeing/dating/whatevs? or is it something i lack that prevents them from pursuing me? what am i going to do about this perceived lack of a partner? there's a lot of fuckin questions here and not a lot of fuckin answers. i do know some of the answers.

i know what i can offer and i think i know what i'm looking for. i can offer thought that provokes and humor that warms. kick ass fried chicken and some of the finest medical-grade dank in california. clean sheets when you want to spend the night and a dirty boy when you don't feel like sleeping. i'm looking for someone that can go to school on the dancefloor. i want someone that loves activity and would be willing to get up early in the morning to go surfing. i need someone that gives good hugs but offers stern rebukes for when i step out of line. someone who knows the proper application of terms like 'punk bitch' and 'bong bong.' most importantly, i'm looking for a female that can challenge me with her brainpower.

i'm happy with the person i am and i'm not going to change because i think it'll help me find my first ex wife. i'm not going to regress to the version of myself from 5 years ago when my head was on a swivel and i was constantly scanning bars/clubs/parties for my next 'hook up.' i'm going to be myself and do the things that i love to do because its what makes me happy. i'm going to erase the booty call numbers in my phone and not pick up when the celly blows up at booty o'clock.

um.. well.. at least i'm thinking about it.