its weird to be in the office again after five days of lighting paced t&a punctuated insanity. i'm well on my way down that road to recovery after a wince filled thai massage and 14 hours of blissful cannabis induced hibernation.
my voice is nearly gone and my throat feels like i've gargled with gravel so i'm happy to relate to you via my journal here, dear reader, some of what happened at the 2004 avn adult entertainment expo rather than have to express it vocally.
it ain't a convention unless you get free shit and the coolest chochke that i came away with is a silver money clip with the penthouse magazine logo on it, given to me by the senior editor of that same magazine. it seems like at least half of what i do at the expo involves brokering favors so i made sure to hook up parties or grab tons of free shit that i normally in turn give away to my friends.
the best party was probably the playboy event thrown at the bellagio even though it ended early to open up for the general public. the award show afterparty was in the coolest space, the guggenheim museam at the venetian, but the music was lame, i had to pay for my drinks, and i was tired and grouchy. playboy brought redman in to work the mic and the bar was open. and it wasn't well drinks either, i was getting hammered on triples of patron silver. i would have liked to have ordered a few bottles of cristal but i was the guest of playboy's sr. vp of marketing and didn't want to abuse the situation. somehow i wasn't too wasted to turn down the advances of the star of mutiple oriental skank videos who stuck her hand down the front of my pants. i wonder who was being more forward, her or the freak that said she wanted to blow me at the ghost bar in the palms.
when i wasn't giving interviews or approving requests for press registration i was hooking people up by giving them passes on the sly or escorting folks on to the expo floor. in most cases, someone famous wanted to check shit out without having to wait in line and pay. some of the famous folk that i hooked up or helped out were mike tyson, vince neil, 50 cent and his ENTIRE posse (we're talking 50 heads here.. what a fuckin nightmare), an nsync'er, a backstreet boy, and some execs of big assed corporations. the coolest motherfucker of the bunch was little stevie van zant aka silvio dante. and oh yeah, mr. miyagi sat behind me on my flight back to LA.
my best "are you fucking with me?" moment occurred when i was wrangling talent on the red carpet of the adult video news awards. bruno magli may make nice looking shoes but they rival even uday hussein's favorite torture techniques after being on your feet for eight hours. i had to switch to my fresh new air force one's if i was going to survive working the awards show. handling my shit, doing my thing, i was determined to prevent my new kicks from being stepped on. unfortunately, this happened when i turned my head after being blinded by an overzealous photographer only to feel a scuff occur on my right shoe. i looked down and confirmed the damage had been done and shot my best "are you fucking with me" look (normally reserved for people that thought they could fuck with me in my press room) to the bitch that inflicted the damage. i got a blink, a blanched look and an "oops, sorry" before jenna jameson hurried off into the ballroom to get ready to host the award show.
the scariest moment was also on the red carpet. and ain't it just like mr. murphy (of murphy's law fame) that shit happens when there's the highest concentration of media coverage? one of the girls had a seizure just as she was approaching the red carpet. but it wasn't like she dipped into a bad batch of candy, the girl is an epileptic. i'd imagine that the pressure of the moment and the non stop flashing of photographers set something off. thankfully, it wasn't a big seizure and things got sorted out and taken care of quickly. but goddamn if i didn't feel like the walls were crashing down around me at that moment.
my voice is nearly gone and my throat feels like i've gargled with gravel so i'm happy to relate to you via my journal here, dear reader, some of what happened at the 2004 avn adult entertainment expo rather than have to express it vocally.
it ain't a convention unless you get free shit and the coolest chochke that i came away with is a silver money clip with the penthouse magazine logo on it, given to me by the senior editor of that same magazine. it seems like at least half of what i do at the expo involves brokering favors so i made sure to hook up parties or grab tons of free shit that i normally in turn give away to my friends.
the best party was probably the playboy event thrown at the bellagio even though it ended early to open up for the general public. the award show afterparty was in the coolest space, the guggenheim museam at the venetian, but the music was lame, i had to pay for my drinks, and i was tired and grouchy. playboy brought redman in to work the mic and the bar was open. and it wasn't well drinks either, i was getting hammered on triples of patron silver. i would have liked to have ordered a few bottles of cristal but i was the guest of playboy's sr. vp of marketing and didn't want to abuse the situation. somehow i wasn't too wasted to turn down the advances of the star of mutiple oriental skank videos who stuck her hand down the front of my pants. i wonder who was being more forward, her or the freak that said she wanted to blow me at the ghost bar in the palms.
when i wasn't giving interviews or approving requests for press registration i was hooking people up by giving them passes on the sly or escorting folks on to the expo floor. in most cases, someone famous wanted to check shit out without having to wait in line and pay. some of the famous folk that i hooked up or helped out were mike tyson, vince neil, 50 cent and his ENTIRE posse (we're talking 50 heads here.. what a fuckin nightmare), an nsync'er, a backstreet boy, and some execs of big assed corporations. the coolest motherfucker of the bunch was little stevie van zant aka silvio dante. and oh yeah, mr. miyagi sat behind me on my flight back to LA.
my best "are you fucking with me?" moment occurred when i was wrangling talent on the red carpet of the adult video news awards. bruno magli may make nice looking shoes but they rival even uday hussein's favorite torture techniques after being on your feet for eight hours. i had to switch to my fresh new air force one's if i was going to survive working the awards show. handling my shit, doing my thing, i was determined to prevent my new kicks from being stepped on. unfortunately, this happened when i turned my head after being blinded by an overzealous photographer only to feel a scuff occur on my right shoe. i looked down and confirmed the damage had been done and shot my best "are you fucking with me" look (normally reserved for people that thought they could fuck with me in my press room) to the bitch that inflicted the damage. i got a blink, a blanched look and an "oops, sorry" before jenna jameson hurried off into the ballroom to get ready to host the award show.
the scariest moment was also on the red carpet. and ain't it just like mr. murphy (of murphy's law fame) that shit happens when there's the highest concentration of media coverage? one of the girls had a seizure just as she was approaching the red carpet. but it wasn't like she dipped into a bad batch of candy, the girl is an epileptic. i'd imagine that the pressure of the moment and the non stop flashing of photographers set something off. thankfully, it wasn't a big seizure and things got sorted out and taken care of quickly. but goddamn if i didn't feel like the walls were crashing down around me at that moment.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
thepirate:
I think you need to go into business for yourself. Work those mad skills for your own greater good.
thepirate:
Yeah, I can see that. It's too bad, though, your skills buying someone else a new mercedes.