i've decided that i want a girlfriend for christmas.
let's not get the wrong idea. i'm not going to the nearest shopping mall to sit on santa's lap and profess my desire to some fake beard-wearing guy. shit, i wouldn't even ask kris kringle for a little random booty via snail mail. such correspondenses are best left for requests like 'two front teef' and 'hippopotamous,' right?
the thought of entering a committed relationship has left me feeling like a stranger in a strange land. i haven't had a girlfriend in nearly 7 years. and with very very few exceptions i didn't think there was enough synergy to even consider abstractions like love and commitment with the females i had seen over that time period. and by 'seen' i mean 'had sex with.'
while sex with my special lady friend ranges from fun to fuckin phenominal, i find that there is a deeper connection that doesn't necessarily include (but doesn't exactly exclude) things like pulled hair of slapped asses. i find that i want her to spend the night so i can make breakfast and that spending 3 hours together leave me feeling short changed.
when something is wrong or upsetting in my life, simply hearing her ask if she can do anything to make me feel better does in fact improve my mood. of course we all hope for someone like that. on a slightly more unfamiliar tip, i feel that when i do things for her i can feel better about myself. i always strive to be generous with friends but i don't recall receiving satisfaction from doing from others quite like this.
so i'm left feeling like i've suddenly regressed by a decade and a half. i feel like some awkward boy in the throes of puberty, hands sucked into my pockets looking down at my feet while i kick at some invisible pebble while i struggle to ask, 'so, um, wanna go out?'
i wish i could stand with my typical confidence and set things straight. lay things out as they are because if i'm wrong in feeling this way, i'd best be wrong now rather than in the future as my infectous infatuation with her will only take deeper root. i could run through the streets of hollywood bare assed naked and not feel as exposed as i do now. cause i'm giving as good as i know how and worry that it may not be enough.
let's not get the wrong idea. i'm not going to the nearest shopping mall to sit on santa's lap and profess my desire to some fake beard-wearing guy. shit, i wouldn't even ask kris kringle for a little random booty via snail mail. such correspondenses are best left for requests like 'two front teef' and 'hippopotamous,' right?
the thought of entering a committed relationship has left me feeling like a stranger in a strange land. i haven't had a girlfriend in nearly 7 years. and with very very few exceptions i didn't think there was enough synergy to even consider abstractions like love and commitment with the females i had seen over that time period. and by 'seen' i mean 'had sex with.'
while sex with my special lady friend ranges from fun to fuckin phenominal, i find that there is a deeper connection that doesn't necessarily include (but doesn't exactly exclude) things like pulled hair of slapped asses. i find that i want her to spend the night so i can make breakfast and that spending 3 hours together leave me feeling short changed.
when something is wrong or upsetting in my life, simply hearing her ask if she can do anything to make me feel better does in fact improve my mood. of course we all hope for someone like that. on a slightly more unfamiliar tip, i feel that when i do things for her i can feel better about myself. i always strive to be generous with friends but i don't recall receiving satisfaction from doing from others quite like this.
so i'm left feeling like i've suddenly regressed by a decade and a half. i feel like some awkward boy in the throes of puberty, hands sucked into my pockets looking down at my feet while i kick at some invisible pebble while i struggle to ask, 'so, um, wanna go out?'
i wish i could stand with my typical confidence and set things straight. lay things out as they are because if i'm wrong in feeling this way, i'd best be wrong now rather than in the future as my infectous infatuation with her will only take deeper root. i could run through the streets of hollywood bare assed naked and not feel as exposed as i do now. cause i'm giving as good as i know how and worry that it may not be enough.
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My friends tell me that I'm ridiculous for feeling overwhelmed by my emotions the way I am. They remind me of all the advice I've given them, and they tell me to read my own writings, and then they tell me that a person who's overwhelmed doesn't say the things I say. But they never think to see that my ability to accurately enumerate symptoms, sources, and solutions comes from being as sensitive to them as I am.
Okay. Well. After using words like 'sensitive,' 'overwhelmed,' and 'emotions,' I've got to go do something manly like stuff my mouth with raw steak and go grab random girls' asses in bars.
It sounds like there might be a connection between you two. I haven't been in a serious relationship for four years, so I couldn't give you any advice. Especially, since my experience involves the going from relationship to sexbuddy.
Best of luck, man.
2am? you know that's no problem for me.