blujazzmunki

So sad but I could identify with Racheal in the Friends shown tonight, just the feeling that everyone around you has someone special to share their time with and there you are stuck stranded waiting for a lifeboat that never comes. I've only ever had one relationship that truly made me happy, and then she went away, Every other one has been a case of el desperado, my first girlfriend well I loathe to call her that stated she went out with me cos she felt sorry for me, ever since then my relationships in general have been meaningless and never more about sex.
I've misread situations thinking they were all bout sex, when they weren't and just talking to her dad last night made me resent myself and just wanna call her, except i know she won't speak to me. I got swept up in anger and floated along to long in that wave to be able to fix it. Even in that relationship I was still left squirming because I was never ceratin of the situation.
Then when I do find somebody, she leaves me because she doesn't feel the same way, she can't see why I'd feel the way I did about her when she hated herself.
So now I'm single and lonely, and all I want is love.
Sorry I ahd to scream, and this was the best place to do so.