blujazzmunki

Well i'm tres misrerable, so many things have happened the last few days, they all seem small at first then build and build into one avalanche about to sweep me away.
Firstly my sister possibly has mumps, which means I'm likely to get it and well to be honest I don't want it. So my sister doesn't entertain me when she says I'm a wuss for being so scared of getting the mumps. I'd just like to correct her, I'm not a wuss I'm petrified of getting them I'm at the age when they could devestate my future, everything I've always wanted, now so sorry to say I want kids in the future, so I'm quite happy to run away like a sissy from anything that can make me infertile.
Secondly, the girl i've loved for too long and knowing that she isn't going to be anything but heartache is being dragged out of soft focus and into the centre of the frame. I tried to bury her, I know my feelings, and I know the damage I can cause myself when I have these feelings so close to the surface. So I'm now trying to hide because I no longer have the energy to bury these feelings in the deep dark recess' of my heart and mind.
Thirdly I just can't fathom this world out, and more importantly if there is a god I believe he needs to stop staring and actually get his fat ass active again.

I did one good thing to day, I sat in the reference library and read D.H.Lawrence. Well thank you and good night.