I'm seriously nervous about glasses.
Here's a secret. Im vain. No, really.
I need glasses.
Soon.
For about 6 months now, I've been saying "I need glasses". I first needed glasses back in high school and got them just so I could pass my driving test.
I can read just fine its just that distance viewing that gets to me. Or small print. Or the car in front of me on South Lamar (I KID!!)
I first started to notice just how bad my eyes were getting when I was sitting on my dad's couch watching a Spurs playoff game last month.
My dad has a 300 inch screen tv or something. Its massive. Its a "man's" tv.
So I'm sitting on the sofa, munching on some pizza and I turn on the game which is in the middle of the first quarter. I look at the lower right hand corner to see the score and ...hmm..is that 23? 28? and I think the Lakers have scored...what the hell is that? G%? The lakers have scored "g" percent points? Ohh...37.
It was the first time I got angry at my eyes.
I knew then that glasses would be in my very near future.
And then there was that whole Amish Turntables thing I told you about.
I need glasses.
But I'm scared. What if I don't have the face for glasses? Sure I could get contacts but that seems almost like I'm wussing out and I know me and I'd end up leaving them in overnight after a night of drinking and I'd end up blind and having to wear an eye patch for the rest of my life. An eye patch on one eye and a monocle on the other. Or whatever happens to those who don't take care of things they stick on their eyeballs.
I want glasses. I'm curious about glasses. I'm "glass-curious". But I'm scared.
This is virgin territory, ya'll.
I'm scared. What I could interpret as "naughty librarian" could end up actually looking like the kid who I'd beat then take his lunch money.
Ok, I never really did that but I do know enough to know I'd never want to be THAT kid.
And I have friends who look FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC in glasses. Hell, in some cases its a turn on. I'm not anti-glasses. What I am is "anti-stephy making a huge mistake and end up spending $200 on something that makes her look like Milhouse Van Hauten". We want more "Velma from Scooby-Doo" and less "Milton from Office Space".
And ya'll know me. I cant get "just" a pair of glasses. I want glasses that make people go "God damn those are some cute glasses!" or "Wow, those glasses make your ass look so much smaller!" or something else that indicates that I own the fucking holy grail of eyewear.
HELP!
Here's a secret. Im vain. No, really.
I need glasses.
Soon.
For about 6 months now, I've been saying "I need glasses". I first needed glasses back in high school and got them just so I could pass my driving test.
I can read just fine its just that distance viewing that gets to me. Or small print. Or the car in front of me on South Lamar (I KID!!)
I first started to notice just how bad my eyes were getting when I was sitting on my dad's couch watching a Spurs playoff game last month.
My dad has a 300 inch screen tv or something. Its massive. Its a "man's" tv.
So I'm sitting on the sofa, munching on some pizza and I turn on the game which is in the middle of the first quarter. I look at the lower right hand corner to see the score and ...hmm..is that 23? 28? and I think the Lakers have scored...what the hell is that? G%? The lakers have scored "g" percent points? Ohh...37.
It was the first time I got angry at my eyes.
I knew then that glasses would be in my very near future.
And then there was that whole Amish Turntables thing I told you about.
I need glasses.
But I'm scared. What if I don't have the face for glasses? Sure I could get contacts but that seems almost like I'm wussing out and I know me and I'd end up leaving them in overnight after a night of drinking and I'd end up blind and having to wear an eye patch for the rest of my life. An eye patch on one eye and a monocle on the other. Or whatever happens to those who don't take care of things they stick on their eyeballs.
I want glasses. I'm curious about glasses. I'm "glass-curious". But I'm scared.
This is virgin territory, ya'll.
I'm scared. What I could interpret as "naughty librarian" could end up actually looking like the kid who I'd beat then take his lunch money.
Ok, I never really did that but I do know enough to know I'd never want to be THAT kid.
And I have friends who look FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC in glasses. Hell, in some cases its a turn on. I'm not anti-glasses. What I am is "anti-stephy making a huge mistake and end up spending $200 on something that makes her look like Milhouse Van Hauten". We want more "Velma from Scooby-Doo" and less "Milton from Office Space".
And ya'll know me. I cant get "just" a pair of glasses. I want glasses that make people go "God damn those are some cute glasses!" or "Wow, those glasses make your ass look so much smaller!" or something else that indicates that I own the fucking holy grail of eyewear.
HELP!
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The funny thing is that they are all correct!