Camel's back?
Officially broken.
I lost my vehicle's transmission sometime around 2pm in an attempt to come home to nap and snuggle with my animals.
With that transmission, I temporarily lost my sanity. You know me. I'm not really a depressive, irrational person but for awhile, I was no longer me and had become someone who had no light at the end of her tunnel and all her silver linings had tarnished.
I pushed my car onto a side street, boarded the #20 bus and walked the 1/4 mile from the buss stop to my home while exchanging text messages with TangledUpInBlue.
I sat and cried until my eyes could no longer produce tears.
I called TangledUp because, fuck, everyone else I called wasn't answering and if I did not hear another human voice at that moment...well....I don't even want to finish that sentence.
I brushed my hair, put on some lipstick and made it down to the bus stop to go downtown for our SgAustin xmas thing. A few hours of something other than me and my thoughts would do me good.
I wish I felt more like writing about it because it was an amazing night. It was like my own personal "This Is Your Life" done in some dive bar. Plus, someone trying to get me to join their improv troupe. It was what I needed. Didn't completely fill the hole in my heart, but it put a nice little patch on it.
Came home around 3 or 4 in the morning. Slept til 1. Decided to come downtown to clear my head and get some fresh air.
As I was leaving my block, two of the little kids who always ask to play with Truck stopped me.
"Where ya goin?"
"I'm gonna go catch the bus"
"Why?"
"My car broke down"
"Oh. I got a bike for Christmas. Wanna see me ride it?"
I took 20 minutes to watch this 5 year old boy ride around, legs pumping, up and down my street. Small patches. Its always small things that make me heal.
got on the #20 again. I sat down and prayed. I am a praying person.
A woman stopped me.
"Are you praying?"
"yes"
"what are you asking god for?"
"Just to make it"
"sometimes I ask him for that too"
Small patches.
And, so, here I am. Drinking ice tea outside, as the unseasonable Texas warmth beats on my face.
Do I know how I am going to get out of this? No. I just know that somehow I will. Because I have to.
Officially broken.
I lost my vehicle's transmission sometime around 2pm in an attempt to come home to nap and snuggle with my animals.
With that transmission, I temporarily lost my sanity. You know me. I'm not really a depressive, irrational person but for awhile, I was no longer me and had become someone who had no light at the end of her tunnel and all her silver linings had tarnished.
I pushed my car onto a side street, boarded the #20 bus and walked the 1/4 mile from the buss stop to my home while exchanging text messages with TangledUpInBlue.
I sat and cried until my eyes could no longer produce tears.
I called TangledUp because, fuck, everyone else I called wasn't answering and if I did not hear another human voice at that moment...well....I don't even want to finish that sentence.
I brushed my hair, put on some lipstick and made it down to the bus stop to go downtown for our SgAustin xmas thing. A few hours of something other than me and my thoughts would do me good.
I wish I felt more like writing about it because it was an amazing night. It was like my own personal "This Is Your Life" done in some dive bar. Plus, someone trying to get me to join their improv troupe. It was what I needed. Didn't completely fill the hole in my heart, but it put a nice little patch on it.
Came home around 3 or 4 in the morning. Slept til 1. Decided to come downtown to clear my head and get some fresh air.
As I was leaving my block, two of the little kids who always ask to play with Truck stopped me.
"Where ya goin?"
"I'm gonna go catch the bus"
"Why?"
"My car broke down"
"Oh. I got a bike for Christmas. Wanna see me ride it?"
I took 20 minutes to watch this 5 year old boy ride around, legs pumping, up and down my street. Small patches. Its always small things that make me heal.
got on the #20 again. I sat down and prayed. I am a praying person.
A woman stopped me.
"Are you praying?"
"yes"
"what are you asking god for?"
"Just to make it"
"sometimes I ask him for that too"
Small patches.
And, so, here I am. Drinking ice tea outside, as the unseasonable Texas warmth beats on my face.
Do I know how I am going to get out of this? No. I just know that somehow I will. Because I have to.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
but yeah you handled that better