bluevalentine

In spite of all the recent hardships, I do want to post just how lucky I am to live in a fantastic town in a paid for house , have a car that (now) works, clothes on my back and wonderful people around me, both locally and in parts far and wide.

I guess this makes me an optimist.

But really, people have been WONDERFUL to me lately. I'm putting on this art show/concert in the spring and when asking my talented musician friends to play or dj, I've been quoted back, at most "some beers". No one is asking me to pay them to play, even though I will throw some money their way. But it is amazing to have people around me who believe in what I try to do and reward me greatly for it.

If i think REAL HARD I guess I have done some good deeds for these people. Conrad got my old computer when his exploded about 8 months ago. Dave, Ellen and Victor's website has been managed and hosted for free for a while now.

Cheryl said she'd get STA travel to sponsor the show. I guess that balances out my flying to chicago and helping her drive down here when she moved last year.

And then there are some (mostly the people here) who have helped and I'm not sure why.

Maybe that is why it is so hard for me to accept assitance. I am fine when someone wants to return a favor, but I don't like feeling like someone has one up on me, even when I KNOW they do not see it that way. I KNOW that they see it just as I see it when I offer a hand, be it in terms of money, time, advice, or any combination : It is something I am able to do, so I do it.

It would be nice, and much easier, if I could not keep my expectations for myself so high.

And, everyone on my friends list, allow me to get a little schmaltzy on you:

I have an incredible level of love and grattitude for you all right now. Over the last week or so, you have kept me laughing and very happy to be part of your life, even in some tiny way.

I have felt frustrated and worn out, but never have I felt sad or alone.