bluestreak

felt like crap today. couldn't drag myself out of bed at all. fely ugly and useless and stupid and fat and hated.

when i finally did i felt ok.

so now i'm sitting here listening to a Ram compilation containing some of the nastiest drum n bass ever.

nightbreed's pack of wolves anyone? it's a combination of thrash metal and nasty dnb. get thee to...
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set went well today, nice and chilled out. played for hours and hours. honestly, djing is the best job in the world. some drunk bloke told me i was the best dj he'd ever heard. but i think he was lying. i love the afternoon sessions, there is so little pressure and so much chance for variety and whatnot.

i left early tonight though, cos...
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djing again today. this time i'm going to do a four hour afternoon session. i quite enjoy these, though you don't get the same sort of fun as evening sessions where the punters are dancing and having fun. these are really like radio bluestreak, where i get to play all the laid back stuff i love and whatnot, stuff that i couldn't play at night...
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saw fight club for the first time last night.

what a fucking good movie.

that is all.

well its not. it makes me wonder just how much of my life is real and how much i'm imaging.

but i don't think i'm going to think about it cos it'll only do my head in.

i am such a spanner. i mean, here i am, a modern kind of guy. i understand deconstructionism, gener politics and music. i can build my own computer, even if i need help with the tricky bits. i know art, culture, poetry and history. i can even make a mean pasta salad if you're cute and entertaining enough to deserve it.

but can i work...
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turns out blood tests are well easy these days innit. i still remember when you needed one needle for each one but now it's all suction bottles.

still reminded me of that bit from trainspotting.... theres me with me piercings and with arms so scarred that there is no way i can hide what i am, and yet i still had to look away when...
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Well another day, another.... i dunno. sunrise i guess. Getting excited now, fuck the alcohol problems, i'm going on holiday to New York in a few days. I've never been to NY before and all i really know is that it'll be cold and cool as fuck..

i'll be staying in the east village and just generally chilling. just what i need, tbh.

well, i booked my first alcohol counselling session today. they want me to give it up entirely and aren't happy with my idea that i want to control it.

ffs! i don't want to be teetotal i just want to have some fucking self-control so i stop fucking my life up.

oh well. what can i say?

i got the new single from the Dogs...
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well, did some djing tonight and it went perfectly well. crowd loved it, great choice of tunes. but somehow it all seems a bit hollow considering that this morning my doctor informed me that i was in the early stages of alcoholism. tomorrow i go to the hospital to see how much damage has been done over the last few years. then i get refered...
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So, a journal then.

Well, it's been a lazy sunday really. Sat up drinking and putting the world to right and recovering from a comedown last night. Crawled into bed about 7am, and got out of bed about 7pm. Since then I've just sat at my shiny new internet connection. Wish I'd gone out to buy cigarettes earlier.

Tomorrow isn't going to be the best...
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