bluestreak

its been a better week. i djed twice, and one went well while one was merely ok.

i wonder to myself sometimes if people are worth it. i've got a friend who is fucking hard work much of the time, but when she's cool shes cool. and she's in love with me. i guess i led her on, but i didn't mean to, and i even made it clear when we started our fling that i did't want anything, was that ok? but of course it wan't and i hurt her. didn't mean to, but she was the first person i saw in seven years, having recently come out of a relationship i sarted in my teen. now all i do is spend time on the internet trying to talk her off a ledge and being ttold what a cunt i am. should i tolerate it, consider it the price to pay for accidentally hurting someone who is cool, or should i say, look, if you can't accept that i fucked up then thats not my problem? i dunno. she's on eof these fucked up types... i mean the other week i fucked up on drugs andd she felt that i was getting too much attention so she drank a bottle of shampoo to prove a point. how can you deal with that? i mean, i should be able to, that would be the nice thing to do, but its fucking hard work sometmes. perhaps i'm just being selfish and mean. aaargh. i mean, how much abiuse should i put up with from a person i hurt? infinite amounts? until they're better? everything that seems reasonable? i dunno.