bluelionsven

I'm considering running for office in 2010.

As a write in.

Or something.

I don't know. I may start a blog and try to spread word of mouth or something. But I don't have the people and resources for that, I think. Hrmm... I'm not sure.

Hrmm....

I put on 5 or 6 pounds this week.

I think I'd like to lose that. Typically I eat one meal a day, and then fast one day of the week. This week I ate junk, twice a day each day and didn't fast.

Edit:

EPIPHANY:

Life is terrifying!

I don't believe in 'rock bottom.'

To suggest there's a lowest point that can be reached just seems wrong. There are tons of different lowest points, and just when you think you've hit the absolute worst the floor caves in, and you fall some more.

There are different rooms to it, too. What's worse: the blatant depressive nervous breakdowns that are returning to me, or...
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God damnit, I'm in existential crisis mode again. I wasted the best years of my life, cowering in post-childhood abuse insecurity and all these self image issues and now I'm fucked.

There's nothing left. I have nothing to look forward to now besides being ground up in the machine that is life. I'm living day by day again, and I know that there's no incentive...
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Life is so dull.

I kind of want to jump ship.

He doesn't love it anymore.

He told me it was all just ghosts and lies.

I was behind a Christian on the road today. Bumper sticker said "And Ye Be Born Again" or something along those lines, in second person, refering to the reader (me). I thought that'd be great, and I wished religion wasn't such the rallying cry it is these days. The sheer nonsense that provokes the agression it does now.

The concept of being part of something...
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Winter always feels so hopeless.

The cold makes me want to shut down and sleep all the time, and the darkness revives old issues that I thought were resolved, and digs up old haunting memories.

Each night is its own little trip now. Through a simple blend of herbal supplements and over the counter allergy medications, I've managed to create a kind of ever-lasting euphoria.

I've found chemical bliss, and it's delightful.

Today I woke up early to cut my hair. It didn't turn out so well. Pictures tomorrow, maybe. I wanted to try to cut short, and then I...
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